Hello There Lovelies,
Sorry it's been a few days since I have checked in. And thankfully, no internet dates. In fact, no dates since that disastrous luncheon. Hot, lawyer guy texted and he asked for my bff's email. Like I would be dumb enough to put a guy on my porch in touch with my scalding hot bff! Yeah, right! He was already on probation for asking for a massage and that text put him out of the game. I asked my therapist how to let a guy know I am not interested. My standard text is, "Thanks so much for the nice dinner. I really enjoyed meeting you. However, we are not a romantic match. Best of luck in your search." She said I could just do it LA style which is a "Fade to Black". A Fade to Black means that I don't officially say I am not intersted. I just take forever and a day to return their texts and don't initiate any conversation. It worked on hot, lawyer, guy because he texted me Saturday morning, "How are you?". And hours later, I texted back, "Good. working." And that was the last I heard from him.
There is another young boy, age 27, that I met on Face Book. He sent me his script and I sent him my script. We started instant messaging. I have heard from him via IM on Face Book or text every day for about 6 weeks. He is actually pursuing me. He is showing up for me. He is understanding and getting me. He is interested in my feelings, opinions and points of view. He makes me laugh and turns me on. He's a hipster, a director, writer and in the NYC scene. He has slept with celebrities and he has an agent at CAA. There is one slight complication, he is way younger than me, lives in NYC and I have never met him. Of course, I have seen pictures of him on Face Book and he is cute, but not necessarily my type. But he is wooing me with his attention and hipness. When I first moved to LA the trend was blondes with fake boobs, then skinny Asian chicks, and now it's older women and younger men. They call it Cougar hunting. At least, I hit one of the trends!
Being one of the most popular girls in high school is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because it gave the social skills and the self confidence to nail job interviews and make great small talk with anyone I meet. The curse is that the popular girl doesn't go out with the dwebe. Now that I am single in my 30s, the cool guys are broke, dead or snatched up. Who does that leave me with? You guessed right, the dorks. I mean, I have sat down at the dinner table with guys I wouldn't have even spit at in high school. These guys are so boring and lack charm and social skills. I would rather be single than spend the rest of my life listening to that dribble. I remember going out with an anesthesiogist from Encino. He was so boring I nearly fell asleep in my caterpillar roll. So needless to say, this guy from NYC, we will call him 'Director Boy', is most refreshing.
So Thursday night, one of the guys on my porch, Surfer Boy, says he got me something in Nicaragua. Now, Surfer Boy and I made out after a party that my next door neighbor had in January. It it now almost June and he has been flaking on me ever since, so I wasn't surprised when he asked if he could stop by with his gift and then bailed. His excuse was that he hadn't showered and that another person invited him to dinner. He is a total girl, trying to get a free meal. So that left me at home flat ironing my hair. During this necessary, but arduous task, Director Boy starts texting me. We were texting back and forth for an hour. Somehow the conversation went from "What did you do today?" to "How would you like to do me?". I said to myself, "What the fuck?" I am probably never going to meet this guy and he is way to young so why not give myself some entertainment. I told him my fantasy of having sex with him in a New York night club in the bathroom. I said that I would be sitting on the sink and he would be standing. Well, that was probably the raciest thing I have ever said to a total stranger. But, the weird thing is that he's not a stranger because we have spent hours getting to know each other on the IM.
It's kind of like a dirty version of 'Sleepless in Seattle". So Friday I emailed him a link to a You Tube video by Baby Bash called "Fantasy Girl". I was a little freaked that I didn't hear back from him until today, Sunday. He commented on my wall post and then I texted him to ask if he received my email. No response for hours. So frustrating...Then he texted me and I didn't respond for hours. It's Simon Says, girls. They return the text right away, you return the text right away. They take two days to return a call, then you take two days to return their call. So I see him on IM tonight on Face Book and I initiate the conversation with a 'Hi'. For an hour, I told him how he wasn't right for me. I don't know how he turned the conversation into IM sex, but the little sucker did! Before I know it, I have the computer on the floor. I am laying next to the computer with a vibrator and having the best orgasm of my life!! And this is with a guy I haven't even met!! We instant messaged for about an hour and a half. I told him that he got me off. If I ever meet him, I will be soo embarrassed. I mean, who knows if we will even have chemistry in person? But in the meantime, he is filling a void. And nature abhors a void, according to scientists.
So, I think I am emotionally unavailable if the only guy I have had sex with in 2010 is a guy I have never met who lives 3000 miles away. But ladies, I would rather do that, then ruin a possible contender by having sex without an agreement of monogamy. In all earnestness, there have not been any guys in 2010 that I would be interested in being monogamous with. And no more casual sex. That was the painful lesson of 2009. So tomorrow night I may be going out with my #1 Contender. We will see what happens...Happy Memorial Day. I look forward to catching up soon.
Love and hugs,
Goddess Girl
Monday, May 31, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
BATTLE FOR THE SKIRT
Hello Gals,
So for those who wanted the dets on my Internet date last night, he cancelled. I was very relieved. When I played tennis as a child, I would remember feeling so happy when the opponent 'defaulted'. That is how it feels to me when an Internet date cancels. So last night, I just stayed in and had the blues. I felt love starved and drama starved. I texted a guy on my porch, my #1 contender, by mistake. And he took 3hours to text me back. During those 3 hours, I reevaluated my entire being. I think relationships and especially dating was so much easier with just one mode of communicating-the telephone. Remember, when we would get so excited when that little red button on the answering machine was flashing. We would listen to our messages and get so bummed if our crush didn't leave a message. That sucked, but now you can get rejected via phone, text, face book, email, im, and the list continues. That is why I can't initiate communication unless I know they're whipped. Otherwise, it's just excruciating.
So my #1 texts me, but doesn't ask me out. His last text said he wanted to see me, but he makes no mention of it last night. He initiates a text today and I wait for him to ask me out. Again, no mention of it. This, my girls, is what I term THE BATTLE FOR THE SKIRT. He is trying to out girl me. He is being all cute and coy and come hither. But no, that's not going to work. I refuse to be the man and ask him out. Now way. I was sooo determined to teach myself to stop pursuing men, that I called last summer, 'The Battle of the Skirt' and I wore a skirt every day of the summer to remind myself, that I was the girl. At the end of the summer, I had worn all but skirts, but was, alas, without a boyfriend.
The problem is that the women of LA have trained the men to be girls. The men have no hunting skills. They are waiting for us to call, text and ask them out. Especially guys under 35, don't get me started. They don't know how to court. They have been so spoiled by the masculine women of their generation, that all they know how to do is hang out. They invite you over to their house and if you even suggest going out on a proper date, they are so confused. I met this 32 year old Entertainment exec at a Halloween party. He texted me the next morning, "We are going to date." Then he invited me to some sports bars with a big group of his beer swilling friends. Next, he stepped it up and invited me over to his house in the Hollywood Hills to some football parties. He, then, asked me to come over and 'watch a movie'. We all know what that's code for, right, girls? And I suggested we meet out of his house, as in a public place. He said he is "only 32 and we have different lifestyles'.
Girls, the guys who aren't willing to court (to seek another's love; woo) are just a waste of your precious time. Stop giving away the farm. If you give them sex right away, they will cherish you less down the road. I mean, think of something in your life you had to work really hard for, like a degree, getting in shape, finding the right condo. When you did reach that goal, you valued it that much more. Men are the same way with us. They will love the woman who gives them sex right away. They may even marry her. But they won't value her. They won't cherish (to care for tenderly; nurture)her feelings. And if you get a man to marry you using the HAIL MARY close you are SOL (shit out of luck) when it comes to being cherished. The Hail Mary close is when a woman can't get a man to propose using her feminine wiles, so she gets pregnant. If the man is a stand up guy, he does the right thing and marries her, but spends the rest of his life feeling resentful and trapped. Those are the married men who cheat. More on that later.
Sweet dreams, beauties!
Goddess Girl
So for those who wanted the dets on my Internet date last night, he cancelled. I was very relieved. When I played tennis as a child, I would remember feeling so happy when the opponent 'defaulted'. That is how it feels to me when an Internet date cancels. So last night, I just stayed in and had the blues. I felt love starved and drama starved. I texted a guy on my porch, my #1 contender, by mistake. And he took 3hours to text me back. During those 3 hours, I reevaluated my entire being. I think relationships and especially dating was so much easier with just one mode of communicating-the telephone. Remember, when we would get so excited when that little red button on the answering machine was flashing. We would listen to our messages and get so bummed if our crush didn't leave a message. That sucked, but now you can get rejected via phone, text, face book, email, im, and the list continues. That is why I can't initiate communication unless I know they're whipped. Otherwise, it's just excruciating.
So my #1 texts me, but doesn't ask me out. His last text said he wanted to see me, but he makes no mention of it last night. He initiates a text today and I wait for him to ask me out. Again, no mention of it. This, my girls, is what I term THE BATTLE FOR THE SKIRT. He is trying to out girl me. He is being all cute and coy and come hither. But no, that's not going to work. I refuse to be the man and ask him out. Now way. I was sooo determined to teach myself to stop pursuing men, that I called last summer, 'The Battle of the Skirt' and I wore a skirt every day of the summer to remind myself, that I was the girl. At the end of the summer, I had worn all but skirts, but was, alas, without a boyfriend.
The problem is that the women of LA have trained the men to be girls. The men have no hunting skills. They are waiting for us to call, text and ask them out. Especially guys under 35, don't get me started. They don't know how to court. They have been so spoiled by the masculine women of their generation, that all they know how to do is hang out. They invite you over to their house and if you even suggest going out on a proper date, they are so confused. I met this 32 year old Entertainment exec at a Halloween party. He texted me the next morning, "We are going to date." Then he invited me to some sports bars with a big group of his beer swilling friends. Next, he stepped it up and invited me over to his house in the Hollywood Hills to some football parties. He, then, asked me to come over and 'watch a movie'. We all know what that's code for, right, girls? And I suggested we meet out of his house, as in a public place. He said he is "only 32 and we have different lifestyles'.
Girls, the guys who aren't willing to court (to seek another's love; woo) are just a waste of your precious time. Stop giving away the farm. If you give them sex right away, they will cherish you less down the road. I mean, think of something in your life you had to work really hard for, like a degree, getting in shape, finding the right condo. When you did reach that goal, you valued it that much more. Men are the same way with us. They will love the woman who gives them sex right away. They may even marry her. But they won't value her. They won't cherish (to care for tenderly; nurture)her feelings. And if you get a man to marry you using the HAIL MARY close you are SOL (shit out of luck) when it comes to being cherished. The Hail Mary close is when a woman can't get a man to propose using her feminine wiles, so she gets pregnant. If the man is a stand up guy, he does the right thing and marries her, but spends the rest of his life feeling resentful and trapped. Those are the married men who cheat. More on that later.
Sweet dreams, beauties!
Goddess Girl
Saturday, May 22, 2010
MASSAGE
Hi Everyone,
So the update on hot, lawyer guy is this. After our third date, he sends me an email with one word, "MASSAGE'! I sent him an email back, "Lol. What does that mean?". He says, "I need one from you, but I have softball tonight." OK, let's break this down. First of all, he is an Internet date. That is a stone, cold stranger. Usually, when you go on an 'organic date', you have a rapport and a history with the person before you sit down to dinner. On an Internet date, they are a total stranger. So having the audacity to email me "MASSAGE" after 3 Internet dates, shows that he lacks charm and social graces. I find that guys on the Internet, in general, lack social skills. But that makes senses, because otherwise why would they need the Internet. If they had game, they could pick up women in person (the old fashion way).
I actually think that the Internet has made guys too lazy to pick up women in person. A) They don't want to risk rejection and B) They just as easily log onto their Match.com account and set up a date. I can't even remember the last time I got picked up the old fashion way. Oh yeah, it was Jeff, the Travertine King. He picked me up at the Viceroy. He was fat, bloated and claimed to be an ex professional football player. But when I googled him I found nothing, not a word about it. It's hard for guys to lie about their accomplishments now with Google. So Jeff and I left the Viceroy to make out at his friends hot tub in the Palisades. It was a magical night. It was rather dumb of me to let him drive my Lexus, when he had been drinking. But he swore he was OK.
We had a fun two weeks of me watching him drink, while going to Sports Bars during the basketball playoffs. He was definitely and Alpha Male (a domineering man; the dominant member in a group of males, esp. animals). He was a pretty good kisser and I liked that he grew up in the Palisades. He had some ghetto fab Cadillac. We had our best date when he took both me and my dog, Bungee, my 10 year old lab out to dinner. We ate AL fresco and then walked in a park in the Palisades. The relationship ended when he went to Arizona and barely kept in touch. When he returned to LA for 4Th of July weekend last summer, the vibe was somehow different.
He started off the date talking about his psycho ex baby mama. That is such a turn off to talk about another woman on a date. And vice versa for the ladies. Talking about any other man just about makes guys gag. If they bring up your past, quickly change the topic. Unless, you can't stand the guy and want to sabotage it, of course. Then his aging dad calls and said he had a diabetic attack. So Jeff cuts the date short. I told him to race me to the car, which was on the top floor of a parking garage. I said he could take the steps and I would take the elevator. When we met back up at the car and he was proud to have won the race, I burst his bubble by saying, "You see the lengths I have to go to get you to work out." I never heard from him again. Fuck him, if he can't take a joke.
So back to hot, lawyer guy. I am not going to respond to that email, because I have nothing to say. I am truly at a loss for words. Tomorrow night, I have a date with a very wealthy, eccentric man. It's an Internet date and we are meeting at a hipster restaurant in Venice. I will be going to Agape and working all day. So hopefully, I will find the energy to be just delightful. He seems to have charm and saviour fare. I met him on Jdate, but he's not Jewish. I should have known because his profile pic is playing Polo. I mean, what Jewish men do you know that play Polo? That's fine by me, because I only went on Jdate after my girl friend encouraged me. Jewish guys have not been my type, but I was forcing myself to be open. Apparently, a lot of gentiles have penetrated JDate. Who knew the Jews had a rep for being good spouses?
Talk to you soon!
Keep smiling,
Goddess Girl
So the update on hot, lawyer guy is this. After our third date, he sends me an email with one word, "MASSAGE'! I sent him an email back, "Lol. What does that mean?". He says, "I need one from you, but I have softball tonight." OK, let's break this down. First of all, he is an Internet date. That is a stone, cold stranger. Usually, when you go on an 'organic date', you have a rapport and a history with the person before you sit down to dinner. On an Internet date, they are a total stranger. So having the audacity to email me "MASSAGE" after 3 Internet dates, shows that he lacks charm and social graces. I find that guys on the Internet, in general, lack social skills. But that makes senses, because otherwise why would they need the Internet. If they had game, they could pick up women in person (the old fashion way).
I actually think that the Internet has made guys too lazy to pick up women in person. A) They don't want to risk rejection and B) They just as easily log onto their Match.com account and set up a date. I can't even remember the last time I got picked up the old fashion way. Oh yeah, it was Jeff, the Travertine King. He picked me up at the Viceroy. He was fat, bloated and claimed to be an ex professional football player. But when I googled him I found nothing, not a word about it. It's hard for guys to lie about their accomplishments now with Google. So Jeff and I left the Viceroy to make out at his friends hot tub in the Palisades. It was a magical night. It was rather dumb of me to let him drive my Lexus, when he had been drinking. But he swore he was OK.
We had a fun two weeks of me watching him drink, while going to Sports Bars during the basketball playoffs. He was definitely and Alpha Male (a domineering man; the dominant member in a group of males, esp. animals). He was a pretty good kisser and I liked that he grew up in the Palisades. He had some ghetto fab Cadillac. We had our best date when he took both me and my dog, Bungee, my 10 year old lab out to dinner. We ate AL fresco and then walked in a park in the Palisades. The relationship ended when he went to Arizona and barely kept in touch. When he returned to LA for 4Th of July weekend last summer, the vibe was somehow different.
He started off the date talking about his psycho ex baby mama. That is such a turn off to talk about another woman on a date. And vice versa for the ladies. Talking about any other man just about makes guys gag. If they bring up your past, quickly change the topic. Unless, you can't stand the guy and want to sabotage it, of course. Then his aging dad calls and said he had a diabetic attack. So Jeff cuts the date short. I told him to race me to the car, which was on the top floor of a parking garage. I said he could take the steps and I would take the elevator. When we met back up at the car and he was proud to have won the race, I burst his bubble by saying, "You see the lengths I have to go to get you to work out." I never heard from him again. Fuck him, if he can't take a joke.
So back to hot, lawyer guy. I am not going to respond to that email, because I have nothing to say. I am truly at a loss for words. Tomorrow night, I have a date with a very wealthy, eccentric man. It's an Internet date and we are meeting at a hipster restaurant in Venice. I will be going to Agape and working all day. So hopefully, I will find the energy to be just delightful. He seems to have charm and saviour fare. I met him on Jdate, but he's not Jewish. I should have known because his profile pic is playing Polo. I mean, what Jewish men do you know that play Polo? That's fine by me, because I only went on Jdate after my girl friend encouraged me. Jewish guys have not been my type, but I was forcing myself to be open. Apparently, a lot of gentiles have penetrated JDate. Who knew the Jews had a rep for being good spouses?
Talk to you soon!
Keep smiling,
Goddess Girl
Thursday, May 20, 2010
THE PORCH
Hello, Lovelies!
Ok, this porch will receive multiple references in this blog, so you might as well learn about it now. The porch is an analogy to dating more than one guy. If you date one guy that's obsession. If you date two guys, that's either/or. If you date at least three guys, now you have some action going on your porch. To quote Slick Rick, "Once upon a time, not long ago, when people wore pajamas and lived life slow." There were actually courtship rituals. One ritual that was especially pervasive in the South was that gentlemen suitors would visit the women they were courting on their porch. Usually the beautiful southern belle was sitting on the swing set on her porch, just looking lovely and doing NOTHING. Most of the times she was out there in the afternoon or after supper. All she had to do was sit there alone on her porch basking in her own femininity, and before you knew it, her porch would be filled with gentlemen suitors. Her job was to entertain everyone by being her charming and enchanting self and serve them lemonade or tea.
I am creating a modern day, metaphorical porch by dating multiple men. Now, I am not having sex with anyone on my porch, mind you. That would be taking them off the porch and walking them inside the plantation house into the bedroom. I have made that mistake several times and when they go directly from the porch to the bedroom, without even a sip of lemonade, they usually don't ever return to the porch. So after those grave errors, I have learned that nobody gets inside the house unless I am ready to be in a relationship with them. So many guys want to go straight to the bedroom. The men who don't want to hang out with me on my porch are quickly replaced by other men. Usually men under 35 think they are entitled to 'booty calls'. They have got to be on crack! They think that I will have sex with them just because they are cute. Hilarious. They aren't willing to put in the time, effort and money it takes to win the porch competition. NEXT!
If I like a guy enough to give him my number and consider dating him, I issue him a porch pass. A porch pass gives him certain privileges. He is in the running to be my next boyfriend. He is a contender. In order to be a contender, he must be interested in a monogamous, long term relationship with marriage potential. There are guys on my porch who aren't contenders. They are more to fill the porch and create momentum. If I have a lot of men on my porch and momentum, I don't get stressed out when the guy I really like doesn't call. The contenders all have rankings and they can trump each other. For example, I might have a date Friday night with Frank who is a contender with a #3 ranking. But Bill, my #1, might have just flown in from NYC from business and want to see me. If that happens, then Bill trumps Frank and I have to cancel my date. I know it sounds callous and awful, but it makes sense. I have rarely cancelled because usually my #1 is nowhere to be found.
If I grant a man a porch pass he is welcome to call, email, text, flirt, date and even get some kissing and heavy petting. Although, my therapist thinks I am far too generous with my heavy petting and make out sessions, I think they are spectacular. The whole idea is to give a man a taste of dinner, not shove the meal down his throat. You know, to whet his appetite. Now I used to be Face Book friends with everyone who has a porch pass. I no longer do that unless I met them on Face Book. Why antagonize them with all the other guys on my porch who are posting on my Wall. I don't flaunt the fact that I am dating several men, but if they ask for sex, I tell them, "Thanks so much for wanting to have sex with me. I know it would be wonderful. However, I don't believe in casual sex. I only have sex when I am exclusive. I haven't known you long enough to decide if I want to be exclusive."
Then if they ask, "Well, how many guys are you dating? Are you having sex with any of them?" Then, and only then, I will tell them, "I am dating other men. But we are just socializing. I am not intimate with anyone. I am very selective and if I have sex, that means I am their girlfriend." This is honest and it serves a second purpose of creating competition. Men love to compete and they love what they can't have. At least, real men do. Real men like to compete, control and conquer. If a she-male aka metrosexual(one living in a post-industrial, capitalist culture, who has a strong concern for his appearance or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically associated with homosexual men) or "girlie men", as Arnold Schwarzenegger calls them, tries to have sex and you give him this approach, you will never hear from him again. He has been spoiled by women who put out right away. He has no earthly clue how to romance, charm or court a woman. At this point, he relinquishes his porch pass and I save it for a more qualified candidate.
There is no limit to how many men I can have on my porch or how old they may be. My porch is currently ranging from age 20-55. I am playing the law of averages. Everything in life, my dears, is a numbers game. You mustn't take anything personally. In my sales job, x amount of calls yield x amount of appointments yield x amount of sales. Dating is the same way! X amount of dates yield x amount of porch passes yield x amount of contenders yield the number one contender=the husband. All you can do is be feminine, sweet and set boundaries. The men who are worth a shit, will hang out on the porch and compete. May the best man win and let's hope it's not you, darling. You don't want to be the man on the porch. This means you don't initiate any communication. You simply respond to them in the same manner. They call you, you call back. They text, you text. They email, you email. Got it?
Well, this is quite enough teaching and preaching for the night. Now that we are all speaking the same language, we can proceed with more dating encounters. Stay tuned.
Love you all,
Goddess Girl
Ok, this porch will receive multiple references in this blog, so you might as well learn about it now. The porch is an analogy to dating more than one guy. If you date one guy that's obsession. If you date two guys, that's either/or. If you date at least three guys, now you have some action going on your porch. To quote Slick Rick, "Once upon a time, not long ago, when people wore pajamas and lived life slow." There were actually courtship rituals. One ritual that was especially pervasive in the South was that gentlemen suitors would visit the women they were courting on their porch. Usually the beautiful southern belle was sitting on the swing set on her porch, just looking lovely and doing NOTHING. Most of the times she was out there in the afternoon or after supper. All she had to do was sit there alone on her porch basking in her own femininity, and before you knew it, her porch would be filled with gentlemen suitors. Her job was to entertain everyone by being her charming and enchanting self and serve them lemonade or tea.
I am creating a modern day, metaphorical porch by dating multiple men. Now, I am not having sex with anyone on my porch, mind you. That would be taking them off the porch and walking them inside the plantation house into the bedroom. I have made that mistake several times and when they go directly from the porch to the bedroom, without even a sip of lemonade, they usually don't ever return to the porch. So after those grave errors, I have learned that nobody gets inside the house unless I am ready to be in a relationship with them. So many guys want to go straight to the bedroom. The men who don't want to hang out with me on my porch are quickly replaced by other men. Usually men under 35 think they are entitled to 'booty calls'. They have got to be on crack! They think that I will have sex with them just because they are cute. Hilarious. They aren't willing to put in the time, effort and money it takes to win the porch competition. NEXT!
If I like a guy enough to give him my number and consider dating him, I issue him a porch pass. A porch pass gives him certain privileges. He is in the running to be my next boyfriend. He is a contender. In order to be a contender, he must be interested in a monogamous, long term relationship with marriage potential. There are guys on my porch who aren't contenders. They are more to fill the porch and create momentum. If I have a lot of men on my porch and momentum, I don't get stressed out when the guy I really like doesn't call. The contenders all have rankings and they can trump each other. For example, I might have a date Friday night with Frank who is a contender with a #3 ranking. But Bill, my #1, might have just flown in from NYC from business and want to see me. If that happens, then Bill trumps Frank and I have to cancel my date. I know it sounds callous and awful, but it makes sense. I have rarely cancelled because usually my #1 is nowhere to be found.
If I grant a man a porch pass he is welcome to call, email, text, flirt, date and even get some kissing and heavy petting. Although, my therapist thinks I am far too generous with my heavy petting and make out sessions, I think they are spectacular. The whole idea is to give a man a taste of dinner, not shove the meal down his throat. You know, to whet his appetite. Now I used to be Face Book friends with everyone who has a porch pass. I no longer do that unless I met them on Face Book. Why antagonize them with all the other guys on my porch who are posting on my Wall. I don't flaunt the fact that I am dating several men, but if they ask for sex, I tell them, "Thanks so much for wanting to have sex with me. I know it would be wonderful. However, I don't believe in casual sex. I only have sex when I am exclusive. I haven't known you long enough to decide if I want to be exclusive."
Then if they ask, "Well, how many guys are you dating? Are you having sex with any of them?" Then, and only then, I will tell them, "I am dating other men. But we are just socializing. I am not intimate with anyone. I am very selective and if I have sex, that means I am their girlfriend." This is honest and it serves a second purpose of creating competition. Men love to compete and they love what they can't have. At least, real men do. Real men like to compete, control and conquer. If a she-male aka metrosexual(one living in a post-industrial, capitalist culture, who has a strong concern for his appearance or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically associated with homosexual men) or "girlie men", as Arnold Schwarzenegger calls them, tries to have sex and you give him this approach, you will never hear from him again. He has been spoiled by women who put out right away. He has no earthly clue how to romance, charm or court a woman. At this point, he relinquishes his porch pass and I save it for a more qualified candidate.
There is no limit to how many men I can have on my porch or how old they may be. My porch is currently ranging from age 20-55. I am playing the law of averages. Everything in life, my dears, is a numbers game. You mustn't take anything personally. In my sales job, x amount of calls yield x amount of appointments yield x amount of sales. Dating is the same way! X amount of dates yield x amount of porch passes yield x amount of contenders yield the number one contender=the husband. All you can do is be feminine, sweet and set boundaries. The men who are worth a shit, will hang out on the porch and compete. May the best man win and let's hope it's not you, darling. You don't want to be the man on the porch. This means you don't initiate any communication. You simply respond to them in the same manner. They call you, you call back. They text, you text. They email, you email. Got it?
Well, this is quite enough teaching and preaching for the night. Now that we are all speaking the same language, we can proceed with more dating encounters. Stay tuned.
Love you all,
Goddess Girl
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
CHEAP DATE
Hi Everyone,
After much encouragement from my bff, Susan, who is a veteran blogger, I finally started to a blog. It is about dating in LA in my late 30s. It is going to be a roller coaster ride and you will learn a lot about LA, men and dating. More than you want to or need to know. I have been studying this shit for 10 years. I have gone to seminars, love experts, therapists, read books and prayed. I have meditated, affirmed, surrendered and cried. You will get a glimpse into my very private and humorous world. It will shock you and entertain you. I promise you will not be bored. You will be cheering me on as I sort through the men in LA to find the One. I am taking you on my journey with me. It has been a long and winding road to say the least. And you, my new friend, get to be with me on the most exciting part of the journey. The part where I finally meet him, with all the excitement and disappointment leading up to this exciting interlude. So let's go on and adventure, shall we. I will start with today's date, a misadventure for sure.
So I go on a lunch date today with this guy I met from JDate. Yes, I am Jewish but only by heritage. I more spiritual and love to go to Agape. If you don't know what this is, just go to www.Agapelive.com or google Michael Beckwith. But my dear friend, Athene, convinced me to try Jdate, after I had sworn off internet dating. I mean my New Year's Resolution of 2007 was not to internet date. I had tried to have the same resolution this year and I surrendered my love life to God as my New Year's resolution for 2010. After the first quarter of this year, God had sent me absolutely no one but boy toys. Yes, the Cougar trend is alive and well in LA. But alas, I am so not a Cougar. So I have already gone on maybe 8 Jdates in the last month since I joined.
Today I get dressed up all cute and sexy to meet Stewart for lunch at the Rose Cafe in Venice. I show up 10 minutes late. He says he will be at the tall table in the middle of the room. After going to the wrong restaurant, I walk into the Rose Cafe. He is not sitting at the tall table in the middle of the room. Instead, this man with salt and pepper hair starts walking determinedly towards me. I totally forgot what his picture looks like because I have gotten like 75 emails. Immediately, it started off badly because I say, "I thought you were going to be at the tall table in the middle of the room". We then proceed to order our food. We go up to the cash register and his total was $25, which I assumed included my meal. When the cashier asks him if he is paying for mine and he says, "No," I just about faint. I say, "Oh, I am so confused. I thought you asked me on a date."
He says, "It's not a date. It's a first meeting." And I say, "So you are going to make me pay?" And he says, "Yes, you can buy your own lunch." I mean, REALLY? I just couldn't even believe he didn't pay after I pretty much asked him to. I fought every impulse I had to just say, "Fuck, you!" and leave. But I am on a spiritual path and he is one of God's children, so I wanted to practice compassion. So I said, "It must be so hard to be a post-feminist man in LA with the gender roles so blurred. I mean, nobody knows what to do anymore." He says, "Well, other women refused to let me pay. So that's what I thought you wanted." I thought to myself, "After I was mortified! Yeah, right, that's what I wanted." And he goes on to say, "Besides, this isn't a date. This is a meeting."
So, I just change the topic and try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I ask him about his conference in Vegas, his career, where he's from. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. So I find out he teaches a class at a local college on the Technology of Film. So that explains everything. He is an analytical AKA Greenie to me. I can't stand Greenies. I mean they are nerds with no charm, no tact and no social skills. So that explains everything with the paying for lunch. And I think that Greenies are cheap as hell. I remember going out to dinner with my friend's boyfriend who was a Greenie and he didn't even tip. No tip? Who does that?! So I suffer through 45 minutes of lunch and end it promptly at 2 pm with my favorite exit line, "I have to go home to my dog."
I said my goodbyes and usually no matter how bad the date is, I mumble something about wanting to see them again. Not this time, no way. We both knew the date was a disaster. Last night's date was another Jdate. His name is hot, lawyer guy. It was actually a third date. He wanted to watch the game so we met at Green Peas in Culver City. The date went well except he kept running his fingers through his hair which caused his hair gel to flake. He was wearing a black shirt and there were little, white flecks everywhere. We were cuddling a bit and I, too, was wearing a black shirt, so when I got up to go to the bathroom, there were little white flecks on my shirt, too. Our chemistry is pretty rad, even though he is shorter than me, so I wasn't turned off. In fact, I was hoping for a kiss good night.
He didn't kiss me good night. Instead, we listened to two Culver City cops interview this woman in an SUV with a hyena laugh. Hot, lawyer guy was more interested in eaves dropping into their conversation than kissing me good night. He did grab my boobs a couple times. Weird, right? Especially considering we were out on the street in public. I am more used to guys grabbing my butt, because I rock a black girl's booty. So I even took my glasses off, which is my signal for, "Kiss me, Dammit!", but no kiss. He did text me when he got home, "Your hands feel good, babe." It was going to be his third and final date, but I decided to keep him on the porch. The porch is a strange and fascinating phenomenom, which I will explain in my next post.
Thanks so much for reading my blog and sharing this pivotal point in my life with me. I don't know you, but I have a feeling we are going to be great friends. I gotta get back to work now. Talk to you soon,
Goddess Girl
After much encouragement from my bff, Susan, who is a veteran blogger, I finally started to a blog. It is about dating in LA in my late 30s. It is going to be a roller coaster ride and you will learn a lot about LA, men and dating. More than you want to or need to know. I have been studying this shit for 10 years. I have gone to seminars, love experts, therapists, read books and prayed. I have meditated, affirmed, surrendered and cried. You will get a glimpse into my very private and humorous world. It will shock you and entertain you. I promise you will not be bored. You will be cheering me on as I sort through the men in LA to find the One. I am taking you on my journey with me. It has been a long and winding road to say the least. And you, my new friend, get to be with me on the most exciting part of the journey. The part where I finally meet him, with all the excitement and disappointment leading up to this exciting interlude. So let's go on and adventure, shall we. I will start with today's date, a misadventure for sure.
So I go on a lunch date today with this guy I met from JDate. Yes, I am Jewish but only by heritage. I more spiritual and love to go to Agape. If you don't know what this is, just go to www.Agapelive.com or google Michael Beckwith. But my dear friend, Athene, convinced me to try Jdate, after I had sworn off internet dating. I mean my New Year's Resolution of 2007 was not to internet date. I had tried to have the same resolution this year and I surrendered my love life to God as my New Year's resolution for 2010. After the first quarter of this year, God had sent me absolutely no one but boy toys. Yes, the Cougar trend is alive and well in LA. But alas, I am so not a Cougar. So I have already gone on maybe 8 Jdates in the last month since I joined.
Today I get dressed up all cute and sexy to meet Stewart for lunch at the Rose Cafe in Venice. I show up 10 minutes late. He says he will be at the tall table in the middle of the room. After going to the wrong restaurant, I walk into the Rose Cafe. He is not sitting at the tall table in the middle of the room. Instead, this man with salt and pepper hair starts walking determinedly towards me. I totally forgot what his picture looks like because I have gotten like 75 emails. Immediately, it started off badly because I say, "I thought you were going to be at the tall table in the middle of the room". We then proceed to order our food. We go up to the cash register and his total was $25, which I assumed included my meal. When the cashier asks him if he is paying for mine and he says, "No," I just about faint. I say, "Oh, I am so confused. I thought you asked me on a date."
He says, "It's not a date. It's a first meeting." And I say, "So you are going to make me pay?" And he says, "Yes, you can buy your own lunch." I mean, REALLY? I just couldn't even believe he didn't pay after I pretty much asked him to. I fought every impulse I had to just say, "Fuck, you!" and leave. But I am on a spiritual path and he is one of God's children, so I wanted to practice compassion. So I said, "It must be so hard to be a post-feminist man in LA with the gender roles so blurred. I mean, nobody knows what to do anymore." He says, "Well, other women refused to let me pay. So that's what I thought you wanted." I thought to myself, "After I was mortified! Yeah, right, that's what I wanted." And he goes on to say, "Besides, this isn't a date. This is a meeting."
So, I just change the topic and try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I ask him about his conference in Vegas, his career, where he's from. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. So I find out he teaches a class at a local college on the Technology of Film. So that explains everything. He is an analytical AKA Greenie to me. I can't stand Greenies. I mean they are nerds with no charm, no tact and no social skills. So that explains everything with the paying for lunch. And I think that Greenies are cheap as hell. I remember going out to dinner with my friend's boyfriend who was a Greenie and he didn't even tip. No tip? Who does that?! So I suffer through 45 minutes of lunch and end it promptly at 2 pm with my favorite exit line, "I have to go home to my dog."
I said my goodbyes and usually no matter how bad the date is, I mumble something about wanting to see them again. Not this time, no way. We both knew the date was a disaster. Last night's date was another Jdate. His name is hot, lawyer guy. It was actually a third date. He wanted to watch the game so we met at Green Peas in Culver City. The date went well except he kept running his fingers through his hair which caused his hair gel to flake. He was wearing a black shirt and there were little, white flecks everywhere. We were cuddling a bit and I, too, was wearing a black shirt, so when I got up to go to the bathroom, there were little white flecks on my shirt, too. Our chemistry is pretty rad, even though he is shorter than me, so I wasn't turned off. In fact, I was hoping for a kiss good night.
He didn't kiss me good night. Instead, we listened to two Culver City cops interview this woman in an SUV with a hyena laugh. Hot, lawyer guy was more interested in eaves dropping into their conversation than kissing me good night. He did grab my boobs a couple times. Weird, right? Especially considering we were out on the street in public. I am more used to guys grabbing my butt, because I rock a black girl's booty. So I even took my glasses off, which is my signal for, "Kiss me, Dammit!", but no kiss. He did text me when he got home, "Your hands feel good, babe." It was going to be his third and final date, but I decided to keep him on the porch. The porch is a strange and fascinating phenomenom, which I will explain in my next post.
Thanks so much for reading my blog and sharing this pivotal point in my life with me. I don't know you, but I have a feeling we are going to be great friends. I gotta get back to work now. Talk to you soon,
Goddess Girl
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
