Lovely Ladies,
I haven't checked in with you in a while, because the relationship with MOH is all consuming. Let's see...where did I leave off. Oh, I remember now, we had a fun double date with a publicist and his girlfriend. So, after that we had a wonderful Saturday. He slept over the night before, and drove me to work. He came into the office and met all my co-workers. And, they all made fun of him because he they 'say' he was wearing Von Dutch. Whatever, I don't believe he would wear Von Dutch. For those who don't yet, Von Dutch is so White Trash. MOH's style is rocker, not preppy, like the guys I work with. So, MOH picks me up at work and he gives me his left over Chinese, so cute. Then, we crash the Smashing Pumpkins concert. He is all over me at the concert and it's adorable. After that, we grab a bite of Mexican food.
So the Mexican lady with the roses, comes over to our table and lays two roses in front me. I am waiting for MOH to give her money and he does nothing. I say, "Aren't you going to tip her?" And he says nothing. We leave the restaurant and I am singing in the car, feeling that everything was fine. I didn't want to come into his apartment because I would have sex and get home too late. Saturday is my busiest day, so for me, Fridays are a school night. All of the sudden, he storms out of the car and barely says goodbye. Instead of being a woman of class and dignity and driving home to get my beauty sleep, I go park my car. Then, I go to his door and call him to get buzzed in...no answer. Then, I call his cell...no answer. Then, I send him 10 text messages, and he doesn't respond. I didn't cuss him out on his voice mail or send nasty texts, though believe you me, I wanted to. Instead, I called my BFF and drove back to the West Side.
The next morning, I stalked him at Agape. I sat in our regular section and sure enough he shows up and says he turned his phone off and went to bed. He said that if we would have communicated, he would have said something mean that could have ended the relationship. Gals, the way some men deal with uncomfortable feelings is to shut down emotionally, go to their cave, lick their wounds and process their feelings. The key is to not take it personally. This type of behavior is particularly tough for me because it triggers my abandonment issues. Remember, the more space we give men, the more they want to be around us. The more we push, the more they flee. So, it's like fishing. You can't swim into the pond holding the bait and go, "Here, little fishie, fishie!" Instead, you sit on the boat with some tunes cranking and bask in the sun, while letting the fish swim toward the bait. When they get close to the boat, then you gently pull the bait away, you keep doing that and voila, they are on the boat!!
Girls, do not put your life on hold while the fish is swimming away. Sometimes, you have to let them free spool. That means, you know that the fish has already hooked himself on the bait. But the fish doesn't want to be captured and he starts swimming away from the boat. That is why you must give men a lot of line, because they don't want to feel pressured in any way. So what happens to the fish, is he swims so fast and furiously away from the boat, that he tires himself out. Then, it's easy to reel him right in. So while you are free spooling your man, go out and have fun. Go on dates with other guys, be prosperous, work out and continue on your own path of personal growth. If he's meant to be your guy, he will come back to the boat. Even MOH, said don't worry, "Goddess Girl, if I get upset I might go away for a day, but I will always return."
Only time will tell...But in the meantime, take care of yourselves. Peace and love.
Smiles,
Goddess Girl
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
HOW TO COURT
Hi Ladies,
Nice to be back here with you all. Believe it or not MOH and I have reconciled for the moment. But don't hold your breath because this relationship is passionate and very volatile. So where I left off with MOH was that Monday night of last week, I still hadn't heard from him. On Tuesday, I wrote on my status, "To err is human, but to forgive is divine."
And he commented, "Then I am divine." I didn't respond to that because my therapist was vehemently against the relationship. So much for objectivity! Then, on Tuesday afternoon, he called my business line with a referral. I still didn't respond. Then he put on his Face Book status some quote by Gandhi, "First they ignore you..." Of course, I thought it was referring to me and I felt guilty for ignoring him. So I called him on Wednesday morning at 10 am and thanked him for the referral and said he was "welcome to call." That's right, girls, don't tell a guy to "call you back" because that is telling them what to do. So by 2 pm in the afternoon, he still hadn't returned my call. It had been a whole week since we had last spoken and I was going through oxytocin withdrawal hell. When I saw him on Face Book instant message, I couldn't resist. I im'd, "hi".
I got completely needy and I asked, "Did you get my message this morning?" OMG! No response. I know men love to be thanked so again I thanked him for the referral. He responded that he was on the phone. I again asked for a convenient time to talk for just "five minutes". He said to call him and, of course, I did. I basically let him have it for emotionally abandoning me and not letting me defend myself. He was very quiet and when I asked why he said, because he didn't want to exacerbate the fight. So at the end of the conversation, which had gone way past five minutes, by the way, I asked him if we were broken up.
And he back pedaled, "Well, how can we break up if weren't really together? I mean let's not put a label on it because it's too much pressure."
I agreed, "You are right. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, because I can date whoever I want and you can date whoever you want. But we did agree to be sexually monogamous and to see each other once a week. Is that agreement broken?" Again, total silence. So I got into my yang mode and I came up with a solution, "Why don't we just see each other one more time and either have the human dignity to break up in person or we can try to work it out." He agreed and asked me to call him after work. So I called him at 9 pm as I was leaving the office and he said to call him back at 10 pm because he was in a business meeting. Then, I call him back at 10 pm and he said to call him back at 10:30 pm. So I call him back at 10:30 pm, and I am a little put off to say the least. He then, invites me to come over to his house in Hollywood.
Now ladies, as good as the sex is and as much as I want to make up, I am a little too dignified to traipse across town at 11 pm, so I say, "You sound really busy. Let's just do it another time."
He gets really frustrated and asks when I have to be at work. I tell him whenever I want and he gets even more irritated. So again, I turn into the pleaser, which is the nature of women, and I say, "Do you really want me to come over tonight?" And he says "no" and hangs up on me. Then, I don't hear from him for three more days. I go to Agape Sunday to the early service hoping to bump into him and the later service. I stay for the second service past the meditation and all the way into the second song, still no MOH. So I figure it's not God's will for me to see him and sure enough, as I give up and leave the building, he is walking in. We immediately get all googly eyed and he asks me to sit down with him on a bench outside the church. We talk it through and he invites me out that night. That was the past Sunday and I have seen him, in addition, Monday night, Wednesday night and Friday night. That is four times in one week. We have great sex and he is testing me at every turn to see if I am psycho.
The tough part is that even though we really bond and have great sex, he doesn't call me between visits. I mean, not at all. I am really not used to this behavior. Usually, when someone is my boyfriend, they call every day we make advanced plans. The days he hadn't called this week were beyond torture. But I gave in and called him Wednesday night and when I saw him, he was a grump. Then, when I white knuckled it through two days and didn't call him, he finally called me Friday evening and we went on our first double date. He was full of charm and compliments. He even spoke of the future and showed jealousy of other men. Wow. This hard to get stuff could actually work if I only had the stregnth to do it.
So today is Saturday and I haven't heard from him and it's really tough. But I will probably see him tomorrow at Agape and we will see if we hang out tomorrow after Church. This is truly a battle for the skirt. He has never had to pursue, court or cherish a woman's feelings. And it is becoming painfully obvious he doesn't know how to. The only way to train a man is lack of contact, according to the Bitch Book. And men fall in love when they are away, says Pat Allen. So I am one hour and sometimes one minute at a time staying away. Ladies, we have the power and we are the prize! Any man who thinks that he is the prize is a feminine man or a narcissist and you can do better.
Until we meet again, lovelies!
Sweet dreams,
Goddess Girl
Nice to be back here with you all. Believe it or not MOH and I have reconciled for the moment. But don't hold your breath because this relationship is passionate and very volatile. So where I left off with MOH was that Monday night of last week, I still hadn't heard from him. On Tuesday, I wrote on my status, "To err is human, but to forgive is divine."
And he commented, "Then I am divine." I didn't respond to that because my therapist was vehemently against the relationship. So much for objectivity! Then, on Tuesday afternoon, he called my business line with a referral. I still didn't respond. Then he put on his Face Book status some quote by Gandhi, "First they ignore you..." Of course, I thought it was referring to me and I felt guilty for ignoring him. So I called him on Wednesday morning at 10 am and thanked him for the referral and said he was "welcome to call." That's right, girls, don't tell a guy to "call you back" because that is telling them what to do. So by 2 pm in the afternoon, he still hadn't returned my call. It had been a whole week since we had last spoken and I was going through oxytocin withdrawal hell. When I saw him on Face Book instant message, I couldn't resist. I im'd, "hi".
I got completely needy and I asked, "Did you get my message this morning?" OMG! No response. I know men love to be thanked so again I thanked him for the referral. He responded that he was on the phone. I again asked for a convenient time to talk for just "five minutes". He said to call him and, of course, I did. I basically let him have it for emotionally abandoning me and not letting me defend myself. He was very quiet and when I asked why he said, because he didn't want to exacerbate the fight. So at the end of the conversation, which had gone way past five minutes, by the way, I asked him if we were broken up.
And he back pedaled, "Well, how can we break up if weren't really together? I mean let's not put a label on it because it's too much pressure."
I agreed, "You are right. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, because I can date whoever I want and you can date whoever you want. But we did agree to be sexually monogamous and to see each other once a week. Is that agreement broken?" Again, total silence. So I got into my yang mode and I came up with a solution, "Why don't we just see each other one more time and either have the human dignity to break up in person or we can try to work it out." He agreed and asked me to call him after work. So I called him at 9 pm as I was leaving the office and he said to call him back at 10 pm because he was in a business meeting. Then, I call him back at 10 pm and he said to call him back at 10:30 pm. So I call him back at 10:30 pm, and I am a little put off to say the least. He then, invites me to come over to his house in Hollywood.
Now ladies, as good as the sex is and as much as I want to make up, I am a little too dignified to traipse across town at 11 pm, so I say, "You sound really busy. Let's just do it another time."
He gets really frustrated and asks when I have to be at work. I tell him whenever I want and he gets even more irritated. So again, I turn into the pleaser, which is the nature of women, and I say, "Do you really want me to come over tonight?" And he says "no" and hangs up on me. Then, I don't hear from him for three more days. I go to Agape Sunday to the early service hoping to bump into him and the later service. I stay for the second service past the meditation and all the way into the second song, still no MOH. So I figure it's not God's will for me to see him and sure enough, as I give up and leave the building, he is walking in. We immediately get all googly eyed and he asks me to sit down with him on a bench outside the church. We talk it through and he invites me out that night. That was the past Sunday and I have seen him, in addition, Monday night, Wednesday night and Friday night. That is four times in one week. We have great sex and he is testing me at every turn to see if I am psycho.
The tough part is that even though we really bond and have great sex, he doesn't call me between visits. I mean, not at all. I am really not used to this behavior. Usually, when someone is my boyfriend, they call every day we make advanced plans. The days he hadn't called this week were beyond torture. But I gave in and called him Wednesday night and when I saw him, he was a grump. Then, when I white knuckled it through two days and didn't call him, he finally called me Friday evening and we went on our first double date. He was full of charm and compliments. He even spoke of the future and showed jealousy of other men. Wow. This hard to get stuff could actually work if I only had the stregnth to do it.
So today is Saturday and I haven't heard from him and it's really tough. But I will probably see him tomorrow at Agape and we will see if we hang out tomorrow after Church. This is truly a battle for the skirt. He has never had to pursue, court or cherish a woman's feelings. And it is becoming painfully obvious he doesn't know how to. The only way to train a man is lack of contact, according to the Bitch Book. And men fall in love when they are away, says Pat Allen. So I am one hour and sometimes one minute at a time staying away. Ladies, we have the power and we are the prize! Any man who thinks that he is the prize is a feminine man or a narcissist and you can do better.
Until we meet again, lovelies!
Sweet dreams,
Goddess Girl
Monday, August 9, 2010
FACE BOOK FREEZE OUT!
Dear Lovely Ladies,
I have not been blogging much because I have been off cavorting with MOH. We have been having a grand ole romance. I haven't had this much fun since my ex-fiance and that ended in 2008. He is an Adonis in bed. I mean, he rocked my world! He even agreed to the contract before sex. He said he would be monogamous, meaning we would only have sex with each other, duh! He said he would have continuity, which means he would see me at least once a week. And he also, agreed to long term. We had sex like 8 times in a week. He wanted to see me every night and we couldn't get enough of each other. We went to Agape together and he introduced me to all his friends and even told his Mom about me. He called me, Mrs. MOH. He was the life of the party and had blinding charisma. Women wanted him and men wanted to be him. He took me to a heavy metal concert at the Key Club, where we hugged and made out like teenagers. In his words, "Who would have guessed, that at 43, I could ever feel this way again."
But all that came to a grinding halt, due to a Face Book comment I made. I innocently took a picture of a gopher coming out of the ground at yoga class and posted it on Face Book. Some guy, Charlie, made a dumb joke. He said, "he was just saying "gopher it." Get it? Go For It! gopher... go for... *sigh* never mind..."
Then MOH says, "small world...you know Chris...Chris you know Buffy...lol".
And I said, "Who's Buffy?"
MOH says, "you!"
It was kind of weird because he had never called me Buffy before and now he was calling me Buffy to his friend on Face Book. This was some sort of territorial thing but I didn't realize it at the time. Then Charlie says, "MOH is a former classmate of mine, Godess Girl... he's obviously starting the weekend festivities a bit early..."
By the way, does anyone know what means? I have no idea. So I chimed in and left the relationship destroying comment, "OBVIOUSLY". I mean, I was just going along with the joke with no intentions whatsoever to hurt MOH. I mean, why would I? I was having the time of my life with him. Then MOH starts instant messaging me that I was being so "not cool" to say that. So I of course apologized and deleted my comment. MOH goes on and on about how I am disloyal and how I showed my true colors. I asked for forgiveness and he said "no". He went on to call me a "liar" and thought I was private messaging Charlie and that we were in cahoots. I barely met Charlie once at a party and he is my Face Book friend. If you would have told me that Charlie would one day, cock block the best sex of my life, I wouldn't have believed you. If you would have told me the innocent picture I posted of a gopher would have caused me some serious heart ache, I wouldn't have bought it. It just goes to show how one event leads to another which leads to another. You can't predict or plan life.
It is now Monday night and MOH hasn't responded to my texts or calls all weekend. So I just gave up. I assume we are broken up. He is now officially on the 8 week plan. Eight weeks is a scientific number which has to do with how the male brain works. It takes three days for dendrites to form. Thirty days to soft wire and sixty days to hard wire. As much as I want to go to his apartment and beat down his door and demand that we talk it through, if nothing else to defend my integrity, I can't do that. I must remain aloof and distant so that he realizes how much he misses me. I have made my amends and asked for a time to talk and he bitterly refused me. So now is the time to out "fem" him. Remember the three P's, although, nearly impossible to do, they are our greatest weapon. PATIENCE, PASSIVITY AND PERSISTENCE. It can take a while, but all men eventually are defeated by the three P's. Once you feed a dog, he will always come back for a scrap. In fact, every guy I have ever slept with has eventually come back and wanted more. The most challenging part is seeing him on Face Book instant messenger and not im'ing him. I may even de-friend him, but I have to run it by my therapist. I probably won't though. I won't lower myself to his immature, high school behaviour. I will rise above it, and act as if it never happened. Ladies, I hate games and I wish I didn't have to play them, but at this stage, it is the only way I can get my power back. I know I can see him either Friday night at a party in Beverly Hills or at Agape Sunday.When I see him, I will act as if nothing's wrong, and keep it light and polite.
Beauties, I have to believe that when one door closes another one opens. That men are like buses, there's one coming every 10 minutes. I am glad I lost my 2010 virginity and that I had sex under contract. I am glad I had someone to play and practice with. He wasn't rich, he had two room mates and three cats. He was tight with his money and a total mama's boy. It would have never worked out long term and I am glad it only lasted three weeks. He was so cheap, he didn't even leave toilet paper in his bathroom because he didn't want his room mates to use it! Remember ladies, that REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION. He is an acting coach to hoochie mama's and he posts disgusting Maxim style pictures of his students on his Face Book wall. He is not classy and reminds me of working class heroes like Steve Perry of Journey or Kid Rock. He told me every excuse why he couldn't be in a relationship and he latched onto a Face Book comment as his excuse to get out. As they say, "Thanks, for playing, MOH! Next contestant please!"
Until next time, pretty girls, smile like you mean it!
Ciao,
Goddess Girl
I have not been blogging much because I have been off cavorting with MOH. We have been having a grand ole romance. I haven't had this much fun since my ex-fiance and that ended in 2008. He is an Adonis in bed. I mean, he rocked my world! He even agreed to the contract before sex. He said he would be monogamous, meaning we would only have sex with each other, duh! He said he would have continuity, which means he would see me at least once a week. And he also, agreed to long term. We had sex like 8 times in a week. He wanted to see me every night and we couldn't get enough of each other. We went to Agape together and he introduced me to all his friends and even told his Mom about me. He called me, Mrs. MOH. He was the life of the party and had blinding charisma. Women wanted him and men wanted to be him. He took me to a heavy metal concert at the Key Club, where we hugged and made out like teenagers. In his words, "Who would have guessed, that at 43, I could ever feel this way again."
But all that came to a grinding halt, due to a Face Book comment I made. I innocently took a picture of a gopher coming out of the ground at yoga class and posted it on Face Book. Some guy, Charlie, made a dumb joke. He said, "he was just saying "gopher it." Get it? Go For It! gopher... go for... *sigh* never mind...
Then MOH says, "small world...you know Chris...Chris you know Buffy...lol".
And I said, "Who's Buffy?"
MOH says, "you!"
It was kind of weird because he had never called me Buffy before and now he was calling me Buffy to his friend on Face Book. This was some sort of territorial thing but I didn't realize it at the time. Then Charlie says, "MOH is a former classmate of mine, Godess Girl... he's obviously starting the weekend festivities a bit early..
By the way, does anyone know what
It is now Monday night and MOH hasn't responded to my texts or calls all weekend. So I just gave up. I assume we are broken up. He is now officially on the 8 week plan. Eight weeks is a scientific number which has to do with how the male brain works. It takes three days for dendrites to form. Thirty days to soft wire and sixty days to hard wire. As much as I want to go to his apartment and beat down his door and demand that we talk it through, if nothing else to defend my integrity, I can't do that. I must remain aloof and distant so that he realizes how much he misses me. I have made my amends and asked for a time to talk and he bitterly refused me. So now is the time to out "fem" him. Remember the three P's, although, nearly impossible to do, they are our greatest weapon. PATIENCE, PASSIVITY AND PERSISTENCE. It can take a while, but all men eventually are defeated by the three P's. Once you feed a dog, he will always come back for a scrap. In fact, every guy I have ever slept with has eventually come back and wanted more. The most challenging part is seeing him on Face Book instant messenger and not im'ing him. I may even de-friend him, but I have to run it by my therapist. I probably won't though. I won't lower myself to his immature, high school behaviour. I will rise above it, and act as if it never happened. Ladies, I hate games and I wish I didn't have to play them, but at this stage, it is the only way I can get my power back. I know I can see him either Friday night at a party in Beverly Hills or at Agape Sunday.When I see him, I will act as if nothing's wrong, and keep it light and polite.
Beauties, I have to believe that when one door closes another one opens. That men are like buses, there's one coming every 10 minutes. I am glad I lost my 2010 virginity and that I had sex under contract. I am glad I had someone to play and practice with. He wasn't rich, he had two room mates and three cats. He was tight with his money and a total mama's boy. It would have never worked out long term and I am glad it only lasted three weeks. He was so cheap, he didn't even leave toilet paper in his bathroom because he didn't want his room mates to use it! Remember ladies, that REJECTION IS GOD'S PROTECTION. He is an acting coach to hoochie mama's and he posts disgusting Maxim style pictures of his students on his Face Book wall. He is not classy and reminds me of working class heroes like Steve Perry of Journey or Kid Rock. He told me every excuse why he couldn't be in a relationship and he latched onto a Face Book comment as his excuse to get out. As they say, "Thanks, for playing, MOH! Next contestant please!"
Until next time, pretty girls, smile like you mean it!
Ciao,
Goddess Girl
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
THE MAYOR OF HOLLYWOOD
Hey Gorgeous Gals,
Sorry I have been MIA for a couple weeks. I have been playing with the Mayor of Hollywood. Let's call him MOH for short. I had initially met him over St. Patrick's Day weekend. I attended a charity fund raiser for animals and brought my dog as a date. It was a cold and rainy night in March. The event was sparsely attended, but I was excited to have my number one guy with me on a Saturday night, my dog, and I put him in a green wife beater tee. I remember watching MOH circle around me and make lots of eye contact. Finally, he got my number and said he was a producer. When he asked me what I was doing later that night, I said going to an art gallery opening. I didn't hear from him, other than a friend request on face book the next day.
A couple months later, I saw him at an event with Pam Anderson in Hollywood. She was endorsing a new milkshake shop. I was with my brother and MOH was very nice to my brother. He asked me about my acting and said he wanted to shoot a demo reel for me and that was about it. That was in April. Then, in May, I saw him when I was leaving Agape in Culver City. I was with my friend and we were on a spiritual high after a three day silent meditation retreat with Michael Beckwith. He was walking in as I was walking out. And most recently, I was at an Entertainment networking event in West Hollywood at the Sofitel. I was with a new friend, who had to leave unexpectedly early. Of course, I decided to stay.
I was delighted to see a familiar face and I approached MOH's table and proclaimed, "Well, if it isn't the Mayor of Hollywood!"
And to that he responded, "Well, if it isn't Mrs. MOH!"
For the remainder of the evening, he introduced me as his future wife and his fiance. He was an electric evening fraught with so much sexual tension. When we finally left the party and found a quiet corner of the hotel, he sat me on his lap and he kissed me. It was an amazingly intense kiss. I haven't had a kiss like that since 2007. It was a magical evening. He walked me to my car and pushed me against a wall, and kissed me with even more passion. I really never thought I would be kissed that way again, girls. I thought I would have to settle for some schlub. Girls, don't settle. I am so glad I met him organically and not through the Internet. There's something about the Internet that just sterilizes the chemistry. When a man and woman meet and spontaneously just have to kiss, it's called romance and it's just so raw, and the itnernte is so contrived.
So I took him home and we kissed again in the car. He looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes and said, "I know you are the One. I knew it from the moment I saw you on the green carpet."
And then, he cried. No, seriously, I couldn't make this up! So I drop him off and then he emails me, "I miss you Mrs. MOH!"
That Sunday, I visited him on the set of an independent film he was producing. I had to watch him be all over some 20something chick in an S n M outfit. Only in Hollyweird, right? So, I stay for as long as I can bear and then he walks me to my car and kisses me again. He said the famous lines that so many men have said so many times and not followed through on, "I'll call you."
Of course, I didn't hear from him at all that week. So he went from calling me his fiance and crying because he had finally found the One, to not calling. Yes, ladies when a guy really likes us, they go out of their way to play it cool. The stakes are higher and they don't want to risk getting hurt. When they do that, the biggest challenge is to not take it personally and to not go over every phrase you said to figure out what you could have possibly said to turn him off. That is a waste of your precious time, ladies. The bottom line is that they are scared shitless because they are powerless over us and we have the POP, power of the pussy. I saw him the following weekend with my BFF in tow. The sparks were still flying and I hope you will tune in to hear what happened next! Until then...
Be of Good Cheer!
Love,
Goddess Girl
Sorry I have been MIA for a couple weeks. I have been playing with the Mayor of Hollywood. Let's call him MOH for short. I had initially met him over St. Patrick's Day weekend. I attended a charity fund raiser for animals and brought my dog as a date. It was a cold and rainy night in March. The event was sparsely attended, but I was excited to have my number one guy with me on a Saturday night, my dog, and I put him in a green wife beater tee. I remember watching MOH circle around me and make lots of eye contact. Finally, he got my number and said he was a producer. When he asked me what I was doing later that night, I said going to an art gallery opening. I didn't hear from him, other than a friend request on face book the next day.
A couple months later, I saw him at an event with Pam Anderson in Hollywood. She was endorsing a new milkshake shop. I was with my brother and MOH was very nice to my brother. He asked me about my acting and said he wanted to shoot a demo reel for me and that was about it. That was in April. Then, in May, I saw him when I was leaving Agape in Culver City. I was with my friend and we were on a spiritual high after a three day silent meditation retreat with Michael Beckwith. He was walking in as I was walking out. And most recently, I was at an Entertainment networking event in West Hollywood at the Sofitel. I was with a new friend, who had to leave unexpectedly early. Of course, I decided to stay.
I was delighted to see a familiar face and I approached MOH's table and proclaimed, "Well, if it isn't the Mayor of Hollywood!"
And to that he responded, "Well, if it isn't Mrs. MOH!"
For the remainder of the evening, he introduced me as his future wife and his fiance. He was an electric evening fraught with so much sexual tension. When we finally left the party and found a quiet corner of the hotel, he sat me on his lap and he kissed me. It was an amazingly intense kiss. I haven't had a kiss like that since 2007. It was a magical evening. He walked me to my car and pushed me against a wall, and kissed me with even more passion. I really never thought I would be kissed that way again, girls. I thought I would have to settle for some schlub. Girls, don't settle. I am so glad I met him organically and not through the Internet. There's something about the Internet that just sterilizes the chemistry. When a man and woman meet and spontaneously just have to kiss, it's called romance and it's just so raw, and the itnernte is so contrived.
So I took him home and we kissed again in the car. He looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes and said, "I know you are the One. I knew it from the moment I saw you on the green carpet."
And then, he cried. No, seriously, I couldn't make this up! So I drop him off and then he emails me, "I miss you Mrs. MOH!"
That Sunday, I visited him on the set of an independent film he was producing. I had to watch him be all over some 20something chick in an S n M outfit. Only in Hollyweird, right? So, I stay for as long as I can bear and then he walks me to my car and kisses me again. He said the famous lines that so many men have said so many times and not followed through on, "I'll call you."
Of course, I didn't hear from him at all that week. So he went from calling me his fiance and crying because he had finally found the One, to not calling. Yes, ladies when a guy really likes us, they go out of their way to play it cool. The stakes are higher and they don't want to risk getting hurt. When they do that, the biggest challenge is to not take it personally and to not go over every phrase you said to figure out what you could have possibly said to turn him off. That is a waste of your precious time, ladies. The bottom line is that they are scared shitless because they are powerless over us and we have the POP, power of the pussy. I saw him the following weekend with my BFF in tow. The sparks were still flying and I hope you will tune in to hear what happened next! Until then...
Be of Good Cheer!
Love,
Goddess Girl
Sunday, July 11, 2010
CON ARTIST AT LARGE
Hiya Gals,
Sorry I have been so neglectful, but I have been out there dating and partying like a motha fucka. So much to tell you, but let's start with last night, one of the craziest nights I have had in Hollywood. So, I go to this fancy hotel on the beach in Santa Monica, Casa del Mar. I was invited to a birthday party, where I knew no one and everyone knew each other. So needless to say, I was bored out of my mind. I was also hungry, I noticed two of the girls from the party were sitting down at a table with an attractive guy. I joined them in hopes of ordering appetizers. I quickly found out the the man at the table, Shawn, was a series regular on 'All My Children' and was in town to shoot a movie with Matt Damon and Robert Downey, Jr. Another guy sat down next to me and started talking because his buddies bet him $20 that he didn't have the nerve to talk to me. When he left, I got my cards out to give one of the girls at the table. Then, Shawn says, "I will take your card."
I was actually really surprised because he was flirting with the other girl and I hadn't given him any attention. So I sit down again and I say, "I really want to ask you for a huge favor, but I am embarrassed."
He says, "Fire away! Ask me anything!"
So I say, "I have a crazy, mad crush on Matt Damon. Can you introduce me to him?"
He was like,"How do I know you aren't a stalker? You better not act weird or he will be so mad at me! Please don't throw yourself at him."
After, I assured him that I wasn't going to make a fool of myself or try to bust up his marriage, he agreed to introduce me. I got so happy and excited when he told me the Irish pub they frequent and that he would definitely introduce me, if I promised to be cool. Then, he pulled a total "Entourage" move and said, "What if I told you I could get Matt Damon to come to your condo tonight? Would you leave with me?" Now, girls, I never, ever advise leaving a bar with a stranger but this guy seemed harmless to me. And, I am the eternal optimist and really thought Matt Damon might just possibly come over so I left the bar with this guy. As soon as we get outside, we start making out passionately. By the time we get to me car, a block away, he has proposed marriage and told me he loved me!! He was like, "Let's go to Vegas tonight! You are the one I have been dreaming about. You are everything I want and more. I am never going back home to my girlfriend and her two kids. Let's just do it!"
I was like, "I have to go home and deal with my dog. But we can go to the Justice of the Peace in LA tomorrow." And he agreed that was a great idea. So all the sudden, I try to start the car, only to realize that I left my Chloe coat in the hotel with my car and house keys in the pocket. So I go to the hotel and get my coat. He is at the front desk, telling me how cool my coat is. We are walking back to the car. We are about 50 feet from the hotel and the waitress runs out to get us. She says, "You know you never paid your tab."
He says, "I told my people to take care of it."
She says, "Well, they never paid for you." So we walk back into the hotel, yet again. I sit down in the lobby to wait for him to handle his bill with the waitress. After 20 minutes, I go up to the waitress and ask her if she has seen him. She says, "No. You got conned. He is not with a production company. He disappeared." I was shocked. He seemed so sincere and so connected to Matt Damon. I then called the number he gave me and it was disconnected. I went back to my car and pulled to the front of the hotel. I was so surprised by his disappearance that I just had to check the lobby one more time to make sure he hadn't come back. And sure enough he was nowhere to be seen.
Ladies, the moral of this story is don't ever leave a bar with a stranger, even if they promise to introduce you to Matt Damon. Rejection is definitely God's protection. Thank Gawd, I left my jacket in the hotel. I probably would have had casual sex or something way worse could have happened. I looked him up today on IMDB and couldn't find anything. He is the best con artist ever! He seemed so sincere about his friendship with Matt and his wife Luciana. I knew the "I will marry you tonight" bull shit was to get laid. I mean, I am naive but not that naive. So I emailed Matt Damon through Face Book and told him what happened. I doubt he will ever read it or email me back, but it's worth a shot. When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose.
Most women would be mad at Shawn and frustrated by the whole situation. But not me! I just think it was hilarious. I got to practice being authentic and asking for what I wanted. I got to practice negotiating my deal breakers in a marriage. I got a marriage proposal, declarations of love and hella compliments by a gorgeous guy in his 30s who is a fantastic kisser. Prior to this weekend, I have had very little chemistry and no excitement. And I had an excuse to email Matt Damon! Remember what I always say, girls, just enjoy the journey. Take it one date at a time. I am sure I will never hear from that guy again, but he flattered and entertained the hell out of me. It sure beat staying home or going out on another pathetic Internet date. I just show up and I let God decide who he will put onto or take off my path. The timing of the Universe is way better than mine. We make plans and God laughs! Be well, beauties!
Hugs and kisses,
Goddess Girl
Sorry I have been so neglectful, but I have been out there dating and partying like a motha fucka. So much to tell you, but let's start with last night, one of the craziest nights I have had in Hollywood. So, I go to this fancy hotel on the beach in Santa Monica, Casa del Mar. I was invited to a birthday party, where I knew no one and everyone knew each other. So needless to say, I was bored out of my mind. I was also hungry, I noticed two of the girls from the party were sitting down at a table with an attractive guy. I joined them in hopes of ordering appetizers. I quickly found out the the man at the table, Shawn, was a series regular on 'All My Children' and was in town to shoot a movie with Matt Damon and Robert Downey, Jr. Another guy sat down next to me and started talking because his buddies bet him $20 that he didn't have the nerve to talk to me. When he left, I got my cards out to give one of the girls at the table. Then, Shawn says, "I will take your card."
I was actually really surprised because he was flirting with the other girl and I hadn't given him any attention. So I sit down again and I say, "I really want to ask you for a huge favor, but I am embarrassed."
He says, "Fire away! Ask me anything!"
So I say, "I have a crazy, mad crush on Matt Damon. Can you introduce me to him?"
He was like,"How do I know you aren't a stalker? You better not act weird or he will be so mad at me! Please don't throw yourself at him."
After, I assured him that I wasn't going to make a fool of myself or try to bust up his marriage, he agreed to introduce me. I got so happy and excited when he told me the Irish pub they frequent and that he would definitely introduce me, if I promised to be cool. Then, he pulled a total "Entourage" move and said, "What if I told you I could get Matt Damon to come to your condo tonight? Would you leave with me?" Now, girls, I never, ever advise leaving a bar with a stranger but this guy seemed harmless to me. And, I am the eternal optimist and really thought Matt Damon might just possibly come over so I left the bar with this guy. As soon as we get outside, we start making out passionately. By the time we get to me car, a block away, he has proposed marriage and told me he loved me!! He was like, "Let's go to Vegas tonight! You are the one I have been dreaming about. You are everything I want and more. I am never going back home to my girlfriend and her two kids. Let's just do it!"
I was like, "I have to go home and deal with my dog. But we can go to the Justice of the Peace in LA tomorrow." And he agreed that was a great idea. So all the sudden, I try to start the car, only to realize that I left my Chloe coat in the hotel with my car and house keys in the pocket. So I go to the hotel and get my coat. He is at the front desk, telling me how cool my coat is. We are walking back to the car. We are about 50 feet from the hotel and the waitress runs out to get us. She says, "You know you never paid your tab."
He says, "I told my people to take care of it."
She says, "Well, they never paid for you." So we walk back into the hotel, yet again. I sit down in the lobby to wait for him to handle his bill with the waitress. After 20 minutes, I go up to the waitress and ask her if she has seen him. She says, "No. You got conned. He is not with a production company. He disappeared." I was shocked. He seemed so sincere and so connected to Matt Damon. I then called the number he gave me and it was disconnected. I went back to my car and pulled to the front of the hotel. I was so surprised by his disappearance that I just had to check the lobby one more time to make sure he hadn't come back. And sure enough he was nowhere to be seen.
Ladies, the moral of this story is don't ever leave a bar with a stranger, even if they promise to introduce you to Matt Damon. Rejection is definitely God's protection. Thank Gawd, I left my jacket in the hotel. I probably would have had casual sex or something way worse could have happened. I looked him up today on IMDB and couldn't find anything. He is the best con artist ever! He seemed so sincere about his friendship with Matt and his wife Luciana. I knew the "I will marry you tonight" bull shit was to get laid. I mean, I am naive but not that naive. So I emailed Matt Damon through Face Book and told him what happened. I doubt he will ever read it or email me back, but it's worth a shot. When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose.
Most women would be mad at Shawn and frustrated by the whole situation. But not me! I just think it was hilarious. I got to practice being authentic and asking for what I wanted. I got to practice negotiating my deal breakers in a marriage. I got a marriage proposal, declarations of love and hella compliments by a gorgeous guy in his 30s who is a fantastic kisser. Prior to this weekend, I have had very little chemistry and no excitement. And I had an excuse to email Matt Damon! Remember what I always say, girls, just enjoy the journey. Take it one date at a time. I am sure I will never hear from that guy again, but he flattered and entertained the hell out of me. It sure beat staying home or going out on another pathetic Internet date. I just show up and I let God decide who he will put onto or take off my path. The timing of the Universe is way better than mine. We make plans and God laughs! Be well, beauties!
Hugs and kisses,
Goddess Girl
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
NEW PORCH PASSES ISSUED
Hello beauties,
So there are some new contenders on the porch. Remember, a 'contender' is a potential long term partner. As opposed to a 'booty call', which is a one night stand or 'servicing agreement', a regular sex partner, who is not monogamous. The first contender is named Paul. Paul is not my typical guy. I am a nonconformist rebel and he works for corp America and holds a government office. I mean when he picked me up Saturday night in a Crown Victoria, I was appalled. I have learned to keep my mouth shut and not put down a guy's car. So after I get in the car, he says, "I drive this car because I work part time for LA County."
I was like, "Is this a cop car?"
He says, "It can be." He pulls down the passenger visor and cop lights turn on. The car also had a walkie talkie. He took me to a nice restaurant in Santa Monica that I had never been to called Anisette. It was very charming and he suggested I order my own appetizer. Ding, ding, ding...Bonus points. We may have a Provider/Protector in the house. Our conversation was deep and intellectual. I haven't had that for a long time and it was nice. He was humble and asking me questions about myself. He insisted we get two desserts. More bonus points! He even stood up, when I got up to go to the bathroom. That was old school and very charming!
After dinner, I wasn't ready to go home so I consulted the Urban Daddy app on my IPhone. They should have an Urban Momma app! The Urban Daddy said we should go to Urth Cafe in Beverly Hills. But I suggested we go to the Shangri La hotel right around the corner. We got a table and had no service for 20 minutes. When we finally got our beverages, our waitress felt so badly for making us wait so long, that she said the drinks were on the house. Nice! There was more heartfelt and meaningful conversation about the economy, politics and family.
When he took me home, he asked if I wanted company walking my dog and I said, "yes". Pat Allen says to say 'Yes, Please and Thank you' to men unless what they are offering is immoral, illegal or unethical. We had a lovely walk and I can tell he was tickled by my dog's joie de vivre. He also was charmed by how emotionally entangled I was with my dog. My dog certainly liked him, which is always a good sign. At the end of the night, he leaned in to kiss me and I just allowed a peck on the lips. Thank Gawd he didn't try to stick his tongue in my mouth. He sent me a "thank you" text the next day, which is so appreciated. I responded back, of course, that was Sunday. Today is Wednesday and he texted me today, but didn't ask me out. If he was waiting for me to ask him out, he will have to wait until hell freezes over.
He is preppy, smart, classy and funny. I am not sure he is sexy or man enough for me though. I am a "rage against the machine" type of gal, so that fact that he is so mainstream is a bit of a turn off. But I am going to remain open minded. I would love to have him as a friend, but sometimes men are too hurt to do that if I reject him romantically. I would definitely go out with him a few more times. How important is someone's world view? Can someone still be a nonconformist if they work for corporate America or the government? I do want to be inspired by what my husband does, but maybe there is something else about him, that I don't know yet that will inspire me. I will wait and keep you girls posted.
Tomorrow I am going out with another new guy on the porch. It is our second date. Our first date was a walk around the Penmar golf course. More on him later...
Have a blissful night,
Goddess Girl
So there are some new contenders on the porch. Remember, a 'contender' is a potential long term partner. As opposed to a 'booty call', which is a one night stand or 'servicing agreement', a regular sex partner, who is not monogamous. The first contender is named Paul. Paul is not my typical guy. I am a nonconformist rebel and he works for corp America and holds a government office. I mean when he picked me up Saturday night in a Crown Victoria, I was appalled. I have learned to keep my mouth shut and not put down a guy's car. So after I get in the car, he says, "I drive this car because I work part time for LA County."
I was like, "Is this a cop car?"
He says, "It can be." He pulls down the passenger visor and cop lights turn on. The car also had a walkie talkie. He took me to a nice restaurant in Santa Monica that I had never been to called Anisette. It was very charming and he suggested I order my own appetizer. Ding, ding, ding...Bonus points. We may have a Provider/Protector in the house. Our conversation was deep and intellectual. I haven't had that for a long time and it was nice. He was humble and asking me questions about myself. He insisted we get two desserts. More bonus points! He even stood up, when I got up to go to the bathroom. That was old school and very charming!
After dinner, I wasn't ready to go home so I consulted the Urban Daddy app on my IPhone. They should have an Urban Momma app! The Urban Daddy said we should go to Urth Cafe in Beverly Hills. But I suggested we go to the Shangri La hotel right around the corner. We got a table and had no service for 20 minutes. When we finally got our beverages, our waitress felt so badly for making us wait so long, that she said the drinks were on the house. Nice! There was more heartfelt and meaningful conversation about the economy, politics and family.
When he took me home, he asked if I wanted company walking my dog and I said, "yes". Pat Allen says to say 'Yes, Please and Thank you' to men unless what they are offering is immoral, illegal or unethical. We had a lovely walk and I can tell he was tickled by my dog's joie de vivre. He also was charmed by how emotionally entangled I was with my dog. My dog certainly liked him, which is always a good sign. At the end of the night, he leaned in to kiss me and I just allowed a peck on the lips. Thank Gawd he didn't try to stick his tongue in my mouth. He sent me a "thank you" text the next day, which is so appreciated. I responded back, of course, that was Sunday. Today is Wednesday and he texted me today, but didn't ask me out. If he was waiting for me to ask him out, he will have to wait until hell freezes over.
He is preppy, smart, classy and funny. I am not sure he is sexy or man enough for me though. I am a "rage against the machine" type of gal, so that fact that he is so mainstream is a bit of a turn off. But I am going to remain open minded. I would love to have him as a friend, but sometimes men are too hurt to do that if I reject him romantically. I would definitely go out with him a few more times. How important is someone's world view? Can someone still be a nonconformist if they work for corporate America or the government? I do want to be inspired by what my husband does, but maybe there is something else about him, that I don't know yet that will inspire me. I will wait and keep you girls posted.
Tomorrow I am going out with another new guy on the porch. It is our second date. Our first date was a walk around the Penmar golf course. More on him later...
Have a blissful night,
Goddess Girl
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
OH NOOO, HE DIDN'T!
My Girls,
I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write you. After the last date, where the tycoon got that chick's phone number I took a two week hiatus from dating. I was listening to a Wayne Dyer CD and he said in no uncertain terms, "Stop searching for love! Let love find you!" I agree with Wayne D, because searching for love is just exhausting. So what has happened in the last couple weeks since we have last chatted, let me tell you, girlfriend, A LOT. This ain't no disco here in LA.
So I went to lunch with my brother and a group of attorneys and when I met them at Houston's in Santa Monica, one of the lawyers greeted me very lasciviously. I have no problem with being lusted after, no problem at all. But then this man, we will call him LL for lawyer loser, went on to ask me the worst series of questions that a man could ask a woman. You will be flabbergasted. The following questions were really asked of me..
1. How old are you? (Par for the course of rude questions) Ladies, you don't have any obligation to tell a man your age. Just tell him, "I am old enough to know better and young enough to not be able to resist."
2. What size bra do you wear? He guessed 34 b and I was insulted enough to give him my real size 36 c. And get this, he challenged me on it! Like I would lie about such a thing. I was defending my cup size within the first five minutes of meeting LL.
3. What are your measurements? He guessed way smaller than I am so I said, "yes, exactly." If they guess low on my age or weight, I usually just say,"exactly", lol.
4. He asked me three adjectives to describe him. Not such a bad question. I wish I had said, "Rude, crass, and tactless."
5. How many lovers have you had? I shouldn't have even answered this one, but I lied and said, "I could count them on one hand."
6. When was the last time I had sex? I was stupid and told the truth and told him, "Let's just say I am a 2010 virgin." This is sad, but true. But it's only June the year's not over yet.
7. And for his grand finale, he asked me if I thought that guys with small hands had a small penis. I said, "yes". So to prove me wrong, he busted out his cell phone and asked, "Would you like to see a photo of my penis? It's very big!" I was like, "Absolutely, not! I am so uncomfortable with that!"
He then got my number, paid for my lunch and invited me to go to Burke Williams for a spa day with the other female lawyers. I thanked him, but told him I had to get to therapy. I spent the first 15 minutes of therapy lamenting that I even answered any of his questions at all. Girls, you don't have to answer a question, just because a guy asks you. You can say, "I am not comfortable discussing that." Or you can say, "that is just too personal, I don't want to talk about it." I am not going to beat myself up for answering so many of his questions because I strive for imperfection. I am perfectly imperfect! You live and you learn, y'know?
So that was my random lunch with the lawyers. I have some new guys on my porch who I will discuss in the next blog, so stay tuned.
Signing out,
Goddess Girl
I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write you. After the last date, where the tycoon got that chick's phone number I took a two week hiatus from dating. I was listening to a Wayne Dyer CD and he said in no uncertain terms, "Stop searching for love! Let love find you!" I agree with Wayne D, because searching for love is just exhausting. So what has happened in the last couple weeks since we have last chatted, let me tell you, girlfriend, A LOT. This ain't no disco here in LA.
So I went to lunch with my brother and a group of attorneys and when I met them at Houston's in Santa Monica, one of the lawyers greeted me very lasciviously. I have no problem with being lusted after, no problem at all. But then this man, we will call him LL for lawyer loser, went on to ask me the worst series of questions that a man could ask a woman. You will be flabbergasted. The following questions were really asked of me..
1. How old are you? (Par for the course of rude questions) Ladies, you don't have any obligation to tell a man your age. Just tell him, "I am old enough to know better and young enough to not be able to resist."
2. What size bra do you wear? He guessed 34 b and I was insulted enough to give him my real size 36 c. And get this, he challenged me on it! Like I would lie about such a thing. I was defending my cup size within the first five minutes of meeting LL.
3. What are your measurements? He guessed way smaller than I am so I said, "yes, exactly." If they guess low on my age or weight, I usually just say,"exactly", lol.
4. He asked me three adjectives to describe him. Not such a bad question. I wish I had said, "Rude, crass, and tactless."
5. How many lovers have you had? I shouldn't have even answered this one, but I lied and said, "I could count them on one hand."
6. When was the last time I had sex? I was stupid and told the truth and told him, "Let's just say I am a 2010 virgin." This is sad, but true. But it's only June the year's not over yet.
7. And for his grand finale, he asked me if I thought that guys with small hands had a small penis. I said, "yes". So to prove me wrong, he busted out his cell phone and asked, "Would you like to see a photo of my penis? It's very big!" I was like, "Absolutely, not! I am so uncomfortable with that!"
He then got my number, paid for my lunch and invited me to go to Burke Williams for a spa day with the other female lawyers. I thanked him, but told him I had to get to therapy. I spent the first 15 minutes of therapy lamenting that I even answered any of his questions at all. Girls, you don't have to answer a question, just because a guy asks you. You can say, "I am not comfortable discussing that." Or you can say, "that is just too personal, I don't want to talk about it." I am not going to beat myself up for answering so many of his questions because I strive for imperfection. I am perfectly imperfect! You live and you learn, y'know?
So that was my random lunch with the lawyers. I have some new guys on my porch who I will discuss in the next blog, so stay tuned.
Signing out,
Goddess Girl
Monday, June 7, 2010
THE GREEN AND WHITE HAZE
Hello There Pretty Ones,
So, you will not believe my date with the Gazillionaire. It has almost ended my internet dating career. So this guy put some time into me. He called, he checked in, we chated a few times before our date. We had some pretty good rapport going, even though he cancelled once before. So, by the time we get to our first date, I am siked. I mean, I have never been out with someone who owned a private jet. So we meet on Abbott Kinney. He didn't realize, when picking the place, that it was the famous First Friday night on Abbott Kinney. That is a street party, when they close down the street and 1,000s of people come to carouse. Needless to say, it was impossible to find a parking spot. I literally drove around for 45 minutes looking for a spot. I picked this night to wear a mini dress and 5 inch heels. There was no way I was walking more than 10 minutes. Mind you, LA is still cold at night this time of year.
So he finally tells me to just park at another restaurant's valet and that he will pay. Of course, when I get to the valet stand it's $15 and I say to the valet guy, "This date better be good. Or I'm going to come back pissed." Of course, he barely spoke a word of English and just nodded disinteretedly. So, I finally walk into the restaurant, Shima, a trendy Sushi joint. I could tell right away that I towered over the guy, especially in my high heels. So the first thing he says is, "You are all dressed up. I thought I told you to be casual." And I say, "Well, I wanted to look good for you." That is called a 'neg', please read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Neil actually tells men that if you subtly put down a woman, she will try harder to obtain your approval and be more likely to have sex with you. Yeah, right!
So, we start talking and he is ordering magnificent dish after magnificent dish. The food was stupendous. I was actually enjoying myslef, despite his incessant bragging and name dropping. I excused myself to go to the Ladies Room and when I return to the Sushi Bar he is talking to the gorgeous, blond, 20something woman in a black, backless dress. I sit there for 5 minutes in awkward silence. Finally, he introduces me to her. And she says, "Why do you need my help with your fashion line, if you have this lovely lady by your side?" He responds, "Oh, she has a different career path." So I ask her, "Are you in fashion?" And she says, "No, I am in finance." Then he goes on to explain the last fashion line he created was with a fashion neophyte. Now, in retrospect, this is the time I should have confronted his social faux pas or just got up and left.
But I am too wimpy and just sitting there stewing, doing oyster shots, when all of a sudden, my friend and realtor walks into the restaurant and right up to the sushi bar. My friend says, "I knew that was you. I recognized you from the back of your head." Gazillionaire goes, "You recognize the back of her head? I am not even going to to go there." Then I introduced him as my realtor, and he corrected me, "I am a lot more than your realtor. I am your friend." It was the perfect revenge. When they gave each other a passive agressive handshake, I was laughing inside. Girls, don't worry about revenge. The karma police has our back! I mean, there was a throng of people in the street and for him to look into the window of the restaurant, recognize me and come into say hi, is such a God shot (something that is way too good for me to manipulate myself. It's divinely orchestrated). I know if I saw my realtor on a date, I would never have interrupted.
So, after dinner, he walked me to the valet and asked me to go to a bar with him. He was already sloshed after having two beers and a whole bottle of Saki at dinner. I politely declined and he had the nerve to kiss me on my mouth twice. I almost dismissed his getting another girl's phone number right in front of me, as just being friendly. I call that the 'Green and White Haze' or being blinded by dollar signs, because if he was broke I would have rearranged his DNA. I sent him a text the next day that "I dont feel we are a match". He replied, "I thorougly enjoyed our dinner." And then today I sent him an email to Jdate letting him know how I really felt. I said, "I don't care if you make $1 million a day. If you have no integrity, I am not interested." He responded that he understands my point of view, but that it was a misperception. He says that she approached him. Ok, how dumb does he think I am? Remember girls our number one sorting tool is "Do I trust him?" If the answer is "no", then it's "Thanks for playing, next contestant, please!"
The problem with internet dating is that it's cold market, total strangers where there is no trust or respect. I am now more interested in warm market, people who know people I know, where there is both trust and respect. Interntet dating is a great tool for some people, but not for me. I would rather use my charm and social skills to meet guys. I like to see what I am fishing for before I pull it out of the pond. I need better ponds with better fish. Maybe tomorrow night at the Art Opening and the SLS Hotel, there will be good fishies. Until then. Chins up, my queens. Don't let the turkeys get you down!
Smiles,
Goddess Girl
So, you will not believe my date with the Gazillionaire. It has almost ended my internet dating career. So this guy put some time into me. He called, he checked in, we chated a few times before our date. We had some pretty good rapport going, even though he cancelled once before. So, by the time we get to our first date, I am siked. I mean, I have never been out with someone who owned a private jet. So we meet on Abbott Kinney. He didn't realize, when picking the place, that it was the famous First Friday night on Abbott Kinney. That is a street party, when they close down the street and 1,000s of people come to carouse. Needless to say, it was impossible to find a parking spot. I literally drove around for 45 minutes looking for a spot. I picked this night to wear a mini dress and 5 inch heels. There was no way I was walking more than 10 minutes. Mind you, LA is still cold at night this time of year.
So he finally tells me to just park at another restaurant's valet and that he will pay. Of course, when I get to the valet stand it's $15 and I say to the valet guy, "This date better be good. Or I'm going to come back pissed." Of course, he barely spoke a word of English and just nodded disinteretedly. So, I finally walk into the restaurant, Shima, a trendy Sushi joint. I could tell right away that I towered over the guy, especially in my high heels. So the first thing he says is, "You are all dressed up. I thought I told you to be casual." And I say, "Well, I wanted to look good for you." That is called a 'neg', please read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Neil actually tells men that if you subtly put down a woman, she will try harder to obtain your approval and be more likely to have sex with you. Yeah, right!
So, we start talking and he is ordering magnificent dish after magnificent dish. The food was stupendous. I was actually enjoying myslef, despite his incessant bragging and name dropping. I excused myself to go to the Ladies Room and when I return to the Sushi Bar he is talking to the gorgeous, blond, 20something woman in a black, backless dress. I sit there for 5 minutes in awkward silence. Finally, he introduces me to her. And she says, "Why do you need my help with your fashion line, if you have this lovely lady by your side?" He responds, "Oh, she has a different career path." So I ask her, "Are you in fashion?" And she says, "No, I am in finance." Then he goes on to explain the last fashion line he created was with a fashion neophyte. Now, in retrospect, this is the time I should have confronted his social faux pas or just got up and left.
But I am too wimpy and just sitting there stewing, doing oyster shots, when all of a sudden, my friend and realtor walks into the restaurant and right up to the sushi bar. My friend says, "I knew that was you. I recognized you from the back of your head." Gazillionaire goes, "You recognize the back of her head? I am not even going to to go there." Then I introduced him as my realtor, and he corrected me, "I am a lot more than your realtor. I am your friend." It was the perfect revenge. When they gave each other a passive agressive handshake, I was laughing inside. Girls, don't worry about revenge. The karma police has our back! I mean, there was a throng of people in the street and for him to look into the window of the restaurant, recognize me and come into say hi, is such a God shot (something that is way too good for me to manipulate myself. It's divinely orchestrated). I know if I saw my realtor on a date, I would never have interrupted.
So, after dinner, he walked me to the valet and asked me to go to a bar with him. He was already sloshed after having two beers and a whole bottle of Saki at dinner. I politely declined and he had the nerve to kiss me on my mouth twice. I almost dismissed his getting another girl's phone number right in front of me, as just being friendly. I call that the 'Green and White Haze' or being blinded by dollar signs, because if he was broke I would have rearranged his DNA. I sent him a text the next day that "I dont feel we are a match". He replied, "I thorougly enjoyed our dinner." And then today I sent him an email to Jdate letting him know how I really felt. I said, "I don't care if you make $1 million a day. If you have no integrity, I am not interested." He responded that he understands my point of view, but that it was a misperception. He says that she approached him. Ok, how dumb does he think I am? Remember girls our number one sorting tool is "Do I trust him?" If the answer is "no", then it's "Thanks for playing, next contestant, please!"
The problem with internet dating is that it's cold market, total strangers where there is no trust or respect. I am now more interested in warm market, people who know people I know, where there is both trust and respect. Interntet dating is a great tool for some people, but not for me. I would rather use my charm and social skills to meet guys. I like to see what I am fishing for before I pull it out of the pond. I need better ponds with better fish. Maybe tomorrow night at the Art Opening and the SLS Hotel, there will be good fishies. Until then. Chins up, my queens. Don't let the turkeys get you down!
Smiles,
Goddess Girl
Thursday, June 3, 2010
NO LAST NAME?!
Hello There, Pretty Girls!
You will not believe the latest with Hot Lawyer Guy. He called me on Monday night and I didn't call him back. So he texted me on Monday. In other words, "fade to black" wasn't working. So I sent him an email saying, "I have decided to become exclusive with one of the guys, I have been casually dating for the past year." He then emails me, begging me to give him one more date. I don't respond. So he texts me asking me if I got his email. So girls, he is chasing big time, way more than he did before. We all want what we can't have! It was kinda sexy that he was being so persistent. It showed he had good 'Penile Thrust Quotient', you know, male, testosterone laden sex drive. So I agreed to go on another date.
Then he texted me, "Can you talk?" Hours later at 10:30 pm, I responded that I could indeed talk. We had a conversation that he kept trying to steer toward sex. I have only known this guy for about 5 hours in person and he has not engaged me in any meaningful conversation. I found it a bit disconcerting, but I went along with it. So today he sends me some sexual texts. Now there's a difference between sexual and flirty texts. I don't exactly know where the line is drawn, but it's definitely there! Once again, I good naturedly went along with it. But when he texted, "I can't wait to see you and I can feel your lips, babe." I texted, "What's your last name?" He simply refused to tell me!
Now, I have known this guy for about two months. We have had three dates, several phone calls and many texts. I was a fool not to get his last name before the first date!! But when I asked him for his last name, he texts, "There is no reason for it. I not married nor do I have a girlfriend. I was stalked and I need to trust you." He needs to trust me? He is looking out for his safety? Last time I checked, I was the girl. Once again he is battling for the skirt, by putting his safety and comfort above mine. What has happened to the world? Aren't women the weaker, fairer sex who men want to provide for and PROTECT? Ladies, when there are two women or two men in the relationship, there can be no romance, just competition.
We are both vying for our safety and comfort. He is not cherishing my feelings over his. I said, "I just tried to end our relationship. You really think I am going to stalk you?" And he replies, "I was stalked. Try to understand. Why is it so important to you?" I respond back, "You have every right not to give me your last name. Thank you for your interest. I don't want to date anyone who thinks there's 'no reason' to give me their last name. Please don't contact me again." So of course, he calls me because men love the chase. He calls and doesn't leave a message. I call him back and say, "The most important thing to me is authenticity, integrity and transparency. Not telling me who you are is a disastrous way to start a friendship, business or romantic. As a woman, I need to feel safe. If you are on the internet looking for a potential spouse, your last name is part of what you are presenting." Of course, he doesn't respond. My friends think he is completely off base, creepy, and probably married. Who knows?
Allison Armstrong one of my mentors and the creator of 'Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women' says that there's no lack of men especially in LA, where there's 12 million people. We are not in a finding game, looking desperately for the One. Rather, we are in a sorting game. And the number one tool to sort through men is integrity. Ask yourself, "Do I trust him?". If the answer is "yes", then keep dating him. If the answer is "no", then cut your losses and move on. No guy should get more than three dates for you to determine this level of trust. Keep going on those dates, ladies. Don't give up. Churn em and burn em. There are plenty of men. We have plenty of time. Do not buy into the scarcity mentality. The good men are not all taken. There are 1,000s of them out there. They are looking for that special someone just like you. Every pot has a lid. So remember your three P's, persistence, patience and passivity. I am going out tomorrow night with a gazillionaire who owns a Private jet. He is also on a spiritual path. I am praying there is some chemistry. I will keep you posted. Until then,Keep plugging away after your heart's desire!
Love and smiles,
Goddess Girl
You will not believe the latest with Hot Lawyer Guy. He called me on Monday night and I didn't call him back. So he texted me on Monday. In other words, "fade to black" wasn't working. So I sent him an email saying, "I have decided to become exclusive with one of the guys, I have been casually dating for the past year." He then emails me, begging me to give him one more date. I don't respond. So he texts me asking me if I got his email. So girls, he is chasing big time, way more than he did before. We all want what we can't have! It was kinda sexy that he was being so persistent. It showed he had good 'Penile Thrust Quotient', you know, male, testosterone laden sex drive. So I agreed to go on another date.
Then he texted me, "Can you talk?" Hours later at 10:30 pm, I responded that I could indeed talk. We had a conversation that he kept trying to steer toward sex. I have only known this guy for about 5 hours in person and he has not engaged me in any meaningful conversation. I found it a bit disconcerting, but I went along with it. So today he sends me some sexual texts. Now there's a difference between sexual and flirty texts. I don't exactly know where the line is drawn, but it's definitely there! Once again, I good naturedly went along with it. But when he texted, "I can't wait to see you and I can feel your lips, babe." I texted, "What's your last name?" He simply refused to tell me!
Now, I have known this guy for about two months. We have had three dates, several phone calls and many texts. I was a fool not to get his last name before the first date!! But when I asked him for his last name, he texts, "There is no reason for it. I not married nor do I have a girlfriend. I was stalked and I need to trust you." He needs to trust me? He is looking out for his safety? Last time I checked, I was the girl. Once again he is battling for the skirt, by putting his safety and comfort above mine. What has happened to the world? Aren't women the weaker, fairer sex who men want to provide for and PROTECT? Ladies, when there are two women or two men in the relationship, there can be no romance, just competition.
We are both vying for our safety and comfort. He is not cherishing my feelings over his. I said, "I just tried to end our relationship. You really think I am going to stalk you?" And he replies, "I was stalked. Try to understand. Why is it so important to you?" I respond back, "You have every right not to give me your last name. Thank you for your interest. I don't want to date anyone who thinks there's 'no reason' to give me their last name. Please don't contact me again." So of course, he calls me because men love the chase. He calls and doesn't leave a message. I call him back and say, "The most important thing to me is authenticity, integrity and transparency. Not telling me who you are is a disastrous way to start a friendship, business or romantic. As a woman, I need to feel safe. If you are on the internet looking for a potential spouse, your last name is part of what you are presenting." Of course, he doesn't respond. My friends think he is completely off base, creepy, and probably married. Who knows?
Allison Armstrong one of my mentors and the creator of 'Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women' says that there's no lack of men especially in LA, where there's 12 million people. We are not in a finding game, looking desperately for the One. Rather, we are in a sorting game. And the number one tool to sort through men is integrity. Ask yourself, "Do I trust him?". If the answer is "yes", then keep dating him. If the answer is "no", then cut your losses and move on. No guy should get more than three dates for you to determine this level of trust. Keep going on those dates, ladies. Don't give up. Churn em and burn em. There are plenty of men. We have plenty of time. Do not buy into the scarcity mentality. The good men are not all taken. There are 1,000s of them out there. They are looking for that special someone just like you. Every pot has a lid. So remember your three P's, persistence, patience and passivity. I am going out tomorrow night with a gazillionaire who owns a Private jet. He is also on a spiritual path. I am praying there is some chemistry. I will keep you posted. Until then,Keep plugging away after your heart's desire!
Love and smiles,
Goddess Girl
Monday, May 31, 2010
SEXTING
Hello There Lovelies,
Sorry it's been a few days since I have checked in. And thankfully, no internet dates. In fact, no dates since that disastrous luncheon. Hot, lawyer guy texted and he asked for my bff's email. Like I would be dumb enough to put a guy on my porch in touch with my scalding hot bff! Yeah, right! He was already on probation for asking for a massage and that text put him out of the game. I asked my therapist how to let a guy know I am not interested. My standard text is, "Thanks so much for the nice dinner. I really enjoyed meeting you. However, we are not a romantic match. Best of luck in your search." She said I could just do it LA style which is a "Fade to Black". A Fade to Black means that I don't officially say I am not intersted. I just take forever and a day to return their texts and don't initiate any conversation. It worked on hot, lawyer, guy because he texted me Saturday morning, "How are you?". And hours later, I texted back, "Good. working." And that was the last I heard from him.
There is another young boy, age 27, that I met on Face Book. He sent me his script and I sent him my script. We started instant messaging. I have heard from him via IM on Face Book or text every day for about 6 weeks. He is actually pursuing me. He is showing up for me. He is understanding and getting me. He is interested in my feelings, opinions and points of view. He makes me laugh and turns me on. He's a hipster, a director, writer and in the NYC scene. He has slept with celebrities and he has an agent at CAA. There is one slight complication, he is way younger than me, lives in NYC and I have never met him. Of course, I have seen pictures of him on Face Book and he is cute, but not necessarily my type. But he is wooing me with his attention and hipness. When I first moved to LA the trend was blondes with fake boobs, then skinny Asian chicks, and now it's older women and younger men. They call it Cougar hunting. At least, I hit one of the trends!
Being one of the most popular girls in high school is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because it gave the social skills and the self confidence to nail job interviews and make great small talk with anyone I meet. The curse is that the popular girl doesn't go out with the dwebe. Now that I am single in my 30s, the cool guys are broke, dead or snatched up. Who does that leave me with? You guessed right, the dorks. I mean, I have sat down at the dinner table with guys I wouldn't have even spit at in high school. These guys are so boring and lack charm and social skills. I would rather be single than spend the rest of my life listening to that dribble. I remember going out with an anesthesiogist from Encino. He was so boring I nearly fell asleep in my caterpillar roll. So needless to say, this guy from NYC, we will call him 'Director Boy', is most refreshing.
So Thursday night, one of the guys on my porch, Surfer Boy, says he got me something in Nicaragua. Now, Surfer Boy and I made out after a party that my next door neighbor had in January. It it now almost June and he has been flaking on me ever since, so I wasn't surprised when he asked if he could stop by with his gift and then bailed. His excuse was that he hadn't showered and that another person invited him to dinner. He is a total girl, trying to get a free meal. So that left me at home flat ironing my hair. During this necessary, but arduous task, Director Boy starts texting me. We were texting back and forth for an hour. Somehow the conversation went from "What did you do today?" to "How would you like to do me?". I said to myself, "What the fuck?" I am probably never going to meet this guy and he is way to young so why not give myself some entertainment. I told him my fantasy of having sex with him in a New York night club in the bathroom. I said that I would be sitting on the sink and he would be standing. Well, that was probably the raciest thing I have ever said to a total stranger. But, the weird thing is that he's not a stranger because we have spent hours getting to know each other on the IM.
It's kind of like a dirty version of 'Sleepless in Seattle". So Friday I emailed him a link to a You Tube video by Baby Bash called "Fantasy Girl". I was a little freaked that I didn't hear back from him until today, Sunday. He commented on my wall post and then I texted him to ask if he received my email. No response for hours. So frustrating...Then he texted me and I didn't respond for hours. It's Simon Says, girls. They return the text right away, you return the text right away. They take two days to return a call, then you take two days to return their call. So I see him on IM tonight on Face Book and I initiate the conversation with a 'Hi'. For an hour, I told him how he wasn't right for me. I don't know how he turned the conversation into IM sex, but the little sucker did! Before I know it, I have the computer on the floor. I am laying next to the computer with a vibrator and having the best orgasm of my life!! And this is with a guy I haven't even met!! We instant messaged for about an hour and a half. I told him that he got me off. If I ever meet him, I will be soo embarrassed. I mean, who knows if we will even have chemistry in person? But in the meantime, he is filling a void. And nature abhors a void, according to scientists.
So, I think I am emotionally unavailable if the only guy I have had sex with in 2010 is a guy I have never met who lives 3000 miles away. But ladies, I would rather do that, then ruin a possible contender by having sex without an agreement of monogamy. In all earnestness, there have not been any guys in 2010 that I would be interested in being monogamous with. And no more casual sex. That was the painful lesson of 2009. So tomorrow night I may be going out with my #1 Contender. We will see what happens...Happy Memorial Day. I look forward to catching up soon.
Love and hugs,
Goddess Girl
Sorry it's been a few days since I have checked in. And thankfully, no internet dates. In fact, no dates since that disastrous luncheon. Hot, lawyer guy texted and he asked for my bff's email. Like I would be dumb enough to put a guy on my porch in touch with my scalding hot bff! Yeah, right! He was already on probation for asking for a massage and that text put him out of the game. I asked my therapist how to let a guy know I am not interested. My standard text is, "Thanks so much for the nice dinner. I really enjoyed meeting you. However, we are not a romantic match. Best of luck in your search." She said I could just do it LA style which is a "Fade to Black". A Fade to Black means that I don't officially say I am not intersted. I just take forever and a day to return their texts and don't initiate any conversation. It worked on hot, lawyer, guy because he texted me Saturday morning, "How are you?". And hours later, I texted back, "Good. working." And that was the last I heard from him.
There is another young boy, age 27, that I met on Face Book. He sent me his script and I sent him my script. We started instant messaging. I have heard from him via IM on Face Book or text every day for about 6 weeks. He is actually pursuing me. He is showing up for me. He is understanding and getting me. He is interested in my feelings, opinions and points of view. He makes me laugh and turns me on. He's a hipster, a director, writer and in the NYC scene. He has slept with celebrities and he has an agent at CAA. There is one slight complication, he is way younger than me, lives in NYC and I have never met him. Of course, I have seen pictures of him on Face Book and he is cute, but not necessarily my type. But he is wooing me with his attention and hipness. When I first moved to LA the trend was blondes with fake boobs, then skinny Asian chicks, and now it's older women and younger men. They call it Cougar hunting. At least, I hit one of the trends!
Being one of the most popular girls in high school is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because it gave the social skills and the self confidence to nail job interviews and make great small talk with anyone I meet. The curse is that the popular girl doesn't go out with the dwebe. Now that I am single in my 30s, the cool guys are broke, dead or snatched up. Who does that leave me with? You guessed right, the dorks. I mean, I have sat down at the dinner table with guys I wouldn't have even spit at in high school. These guys are so boring and lack charm and social skills. I would rather be single than spend the rest of my life listening to that dribble. I remember going out with an anesthesiogist from Encino. He was so boring I nearly fell asleep in my caterpillar roll. So needless to say, this guy from NYC, we will call him 'Director Boy', is most refreshing.
So Thursday night, one of the guys on my porch, Surfer Boy, says he got me something in Nicaragua. Now, Surfer Boy and I made out after a party that my next door neighbor had in January. It it now almost June and he has been flaking on me ever since, so I wasn't surprised when he asked if he could stop by with his gift and then bailed. His excuse was that he hadn't showered and that another person invited him to dinner. He is a total girl, trying to get a free meal. So that left me at home flat ironing my hair. During this necessary, but arduous task, Director Boy starts texting me. We were texting back and forth for an hour. Somehow the conversation went from "What did you do today?" to "How would you like to do me?". I said to myself, "What the fuck?" I am probably never going to meet this guy and he is way to young so why not give myself some entertainment. I told him my fantasy of having sex with him in a New York night club in the bathroom. I said that I would be sitting on the sink and he would be standing. Well, that was probably the raciest thing I have ever said to a total stranger. But, the weird thing is that he's not a stranger because we have spent hours getting to know each other on the IM.
It's kind of like a dirty version of 'Sleepless in Seattle". So Friday I emailed him a link to a You Tube video by Baby Bash called "Fantasy Girl". I was a little freaked that I didn't hear back from him until today, Sunday. He commented on my wall post and then I texted him to ask if he received my email. No response for hours. So frustrating...Then he texted me and I didn't respond for hours. It's Simon Says, girls. They return the text right away, you return the text right away. They take two days to return a call, then you take two days to return their call. So I see him on IM tonight on Face Book and I initiate the conversation with a 'Hi'. For an hour, I told him how he wasn't right for me. I don't know how he turned the conversation into IM sex, but the little sucker did! Before I know it, I have the computer on the floor. I am laying next to the computer with a vibrator and having the best orgasm of my life!! And this is with a guy I haven't even met!! We instant messaged for about an hour and a half. I told him that he got me off. If I ever meet him, I will be soo embarrassed. I mean, who knows if we will even have chemistry in person? But in the meantime, he is filling a void. And nature abhors a void, according to scientists.
So, I think I am emotionally unavailable if the only guy I have had sex with in 2010 is a guy I have never met who lives 3000 miles away. But ladies, I would rather do that, then ruin a possible contender by having sex without an agreement of monogamy. In all earnestness, there have not been any guys in 2010 that I would be interested in being monogamous with. And no more casual sex. That was the painful lesson of 2009. So tomorrow night I may be going out with my #1 Contender. We will see what happens...Happy Memorial Day. I look forward to catching up soon.
Love and hugs,
Goddess Girl
Monday, May 24, 2010
BATTLE FOR THE SKIRT
Hello Gals,
So for those who wanted the dets on my Internet date last night, he cancelled. I was very relieved. When I played tennis as a child, I would remember feeling so happy when the opponent 'defaulted'. That is how it feels to me when an Internet date cancels. So last night, I just stayed in and had the blues. I felt love starved and drama starved. I texted a guy on my porch, my #1 contender, by mistake. And he took 3hours to text me back. During those 3 hours, I reevaluated my entire being. I think relationships and especially dating was so much easier with just one mode of communicating-the telephone. Remember, when we would get so excited when that little red button on the answering machine was flashing. We would listen to our messages and get so bummed if our crush didn't leave a message. That sucked, but now you can get rejected via phone, text, face book, email, im, and the list continues. That is why I can't initiate communication unless I know they're whipped. Otherwise, it's just excruciating.
So my #1 texts me, but doesn't ask me out. His last text said he wanted to see me, but he makes no mention of it last night. He initiates a text today and I wait for him to ask me out. Again, no mention of it. This, my girls, is what I term THE BATTLE FOR THE SKIRT. He is trying to out girl me. He is being all cute and coy and come hither. But no, that's not going to work. I refuse to be the man and ask him out. Now way. I was sooo determined to teach myself to stop pursuing men, that I called last summer, 'The Battle of the Skirt' and I wore a skirt every day of the summer to remind myself, that I was the girl. At the end of the summer, I had worn all but skirts, but was, alas, without a boyfriend.
The problem is that the women of LA have trained the men to be girls. The men have no hunting skills. They are waiting for us to call, text and ask them out. Especially guys under 35, don't get me started. They don't know how to court. They have been so spoiled by the masculine women of their generation, that all they know how to do is hang out. They invite you over to their house and if you even suggest going out on a proper date, they are so confused. I met this 32 year old Entertainment exec at a Halloween party. He texted me the next morning, "We are going to date." Then he invited me to some sports bars with a big group of his beer swilling friends. Next, he stepped it up and invited me over to his house in the Hollywood Hills to some football parties. He, then, asked me to come over and 'watch a movie'. We all know what that's code for, right, girls? And I suggested we meet out of his house, as in a public place. He said he is "only 32 and we have different lifestyles'.
Girls, the guys who aren't willing to court (to seek another's love; woo) are just a waste of your precious time. Stop giving away the farm. If you give them sex right away, they will cherish you less down the road. I mean, think of something in your life you had to work really hard for, like a degree, getting in shape, finding the right condo. When you did reach that goal, you valued it that much more. Men are the same way with us. They will love the woman who gives them sex right away. They may even marry her. But they won't value her. They won't cherish (to care for tenderly; nurture)her feelings. And if you get a man to marry you using the HAIL MARY close you are SOL (shit out of luck) when it comes to being cherished. The Hail Mary close is when a woman can't get a man to propose using her feminine wiles, so she gets pregnant. If the man is a stand up guy, he does the right thing and marries her, but spends the rest of his life feeling resentful and trapped. Those are the married men who cheat. More on that later.
Sweet dreams, beauties!
Goddess Girl
So for those who wanted the dets on my Internet date last night, he cancelled. I was very relieved. When I played tennis as a child, I would remember feeling so happy when the opponent 'defaulted'. That is how it feels to me when an Internet date cancels. So last night, I just stayed in and had the blues. I felt love starved and drama starved. I texted a guy on my porch, my #1 contender, by mistake. And he took 3hours to text me back. During those 3 hours, I reevaluated my entire being. I think relationships and especially dating was so much easier with just one mode of communicating-the telephone. Remember, when we would get so excited when that little red button on the answering machine was flashing. We would listen to our messages and get so bummed if our crush didn't leave a message. That sucked, but now you can get rejected via phone, text, face book, email, im, and the list continues. That is why I can't initiate communication unless I know they're whipped. Otherwise, it's just excruciating.
So my #1 texts me, but doesn't ask me out. His last text said he wanted to see me, but he makes no mention of it last night. He initiates a text today and I wait for him to ask me out. Again, no mention of it. This, my girls, is what I term THE BATTLE FOR THE SKIRT. He is trying to out girl me. He is being all cute and coy and come hither. But no, that's not going to work. I refuse to be the man and ask him out. Now way. I was sooo determined to teach myself to stop pursuing men, that I called last summer, 'The Battle of the Skirt' and I wore a skirt every day of the summer to remind myself, that I was the girl. At the end of the summer, I had worn all but skirts, but was, alas, without a boyfriend.
The problem is that the women of LA have trained the men to be girls. The men have no hunting skills. They are waiting for us to call, text and ask them out. Especially guys under 35, don't get me started. They don't know how to court. They have been so spoiled by the masculine women of their generation, that all they know how to do is hang out. They invite you over to their house and if you even suggest going out on a proper date, they are so confused. I met this 32 year old Entertainment exec at a Halloween party. He texted me the next morning, "We are going to date." Then he invited me to some sports bars with a big group of his beer swilling friends. Next, he stepped it up and invited me over to his house in the Hollywood Hills to some football parties. He, then, asked me to come over and 'watch a movie'. We all know what that's code for, right, girls? And I suggested we meet out of his house, as in a public place. He said he is "only 32 and we have different lifestyles'.
Girls, the guys who aren't willing to court (to seek another's love; woo) are just a waste of your precious time. Stop giving away the farm. If you give them sex right away, they will cherish you less down the road. I mean, think of something in your life you had to work really hard for, like a degree, getting in shape, finding the right condo. When you did reach that goal, you valued it that much more. Men are the same way with us. They will love the woman who gives them sex right away. They may even marry her. But they won't value her. They won't cherish (to care for tenderly; nurture)her feelings. And if you get a man to marry you using the HAIL MARY close you are SOL (shit out of luck) when it comes to being cherished. The Hail Mary close is when a woman can't get a man to propose using her feminine wiles, so she gets pregnant. If the man is a stand up guy, he does the right thing and marries her, but spends the rest of his life feeling resentful and trapped. Those are the married men who cheat. More on that later.
Sweet dreams, beauties!
Goddess Girl
Saturday, May 22, 2010
MASSAGE
Hi Everyone,
So the update on hot, lawyer guy is this. After our third date, he sends me an email with one word, "MASSAGE'! I sent him an email back, "Lol. What does that mean?". He says, "I need one from you, but I have softball tonight." OK, let's break this down. First of all, he is an Internet date. That is a stone, cold stranger. Usually, when you go on an 'organic date', you have a rapport and a history with the person before you sit down to dinner. On an Internet date, they are a total stranger. So having the audacity to email me "MASSAGE" after 3 Internet dates, shows that he lacks charm and social graces. I find that guys on the Internet, in general, lack social skills. But that makes senses, because otherwise why would they need the Internet. If they had game, they could pick up women in person (the old fashion way).
I actually think that the Internet has made guys too lazy to pick up women in person. A) They don't want to risk rejection and B) They just as easily log onto their Match.com account and set up a date. I can't even remember the last time I got picked up the old fashion way. Oh yeah, it was Jeff, the Travertine King. He picked me up at the Viceroy. He was fat, bloated and claimed to be an ex professional football player. But when I googled him I found nothing, not a word about it. It's hard for guys to lie about their accomplishments now with Google. So Jeff and I left the Viceroy to make out at his friends hot tub in the Palisades. It was a magical night. It was rather dumb of me to let him drive my Lexus, when he had been drinking. But he swore he was OK.
We had a fun two weeks of me watching him drink, while going to Sports Bars during the basketball playoffs. He was definitely and Alpha Male (a domineering man; the dominant member in a group of males, esp. animals). He was a pretty good kisser and I liked that he grew up in the Palisades. He had some ghetto fab Cadillac. We had our best date when he took both me and my dog, Bungee, my 10 year old lab out to dinner. We ate AL fresco and then walked in a park in the Palisades. The relationship ended when he went to Arizona and barely kept in touch. When he returned to LA for 4Th of July weekend last summer, the vibe was somehow different.
He started off the date talking about his psycho ex baby mama. That is such a turn off to talk about another woman on a date. And vice versa for the ladies. Talking about any other man just about makes guys gag. If they bring up your past, quickly change the topic. Unless, you can't stand the guy and want to sabotage it, of course. Then his aging dad calls and said he had a diabetic attack. So Jeff cuts the date short. I told him to race me to the car, which was on the top floor of a parking garage. I said he could take the steps and I would take the elevator. When we met back up at the car and he was proud to have won the race, I burst his bubble by saying, "You see the lengths I have to go to get you to work out." I never heard from him again. Fuck him, if he can't take a joke.
So back to hot, lawyer guy. I am not going to respond to that email, because I have nothing to say. I am truly at a loss for words. Tomorrow night, I have a date with a very wealthy, eccentric man. It's an Internet date and we are meeting at a hipster restaurant in Venice. I will be going to Agape and working all day. So hopefully, I will find the energy to be just delightful. He seems to have charm and saviour fare. I met him on Jdate, but he's not Jewish. I should have known because his profile pic is playing Polo. I mean, what Jewish men do you know that play Polo? That's fine by me, because I only went on Jdate after my girl friend encouraged me. Jewish guys have not been my type, but I was forcing myself to be open. Apparently, a lot of gentiles have penetrated JDate. Who knew the Jews had a rep for being good spouses?
Talk to you soon!
Keep smiling,
Goddess Girl
So the update on hot, lawyer guy is this. After our third date, he sends me an email with one word, "MASSAGE'! I sent him an email back, "Lol. What does that mean?". He says, "I need one from you, but I have softball tonight." OK, let's break this down. First of all, he is an Internet date. That is a stone, cold stranger. Usually, when you go on an 'organic date', you have a rapport and a history with the person before you sit down to dinner. On an Internet date, they are a total stranger. So having the audacity to email me "MASSAGE" after 3 Internet dates, shows that he lacks charm and social graces. I find that guys on the Internet, in general, lack social skills. But that makes senses, because otherwise why would they need the Internet. If they had game, they could pick up women in person (the old fashion way).
I actually think that the Internet has made guys too lazy to pick up women in person. A) They don't want to risk rejection and B) They just as easily log onto their Match.com account and set up a date. I can't even remember the last time I got picked up the old fashion way. Oh yeah, it was Jeff, the Travertine King. He picked me up at the Viceroy. He was fat, bloated and claimed to be an ex professional football player. But when I googled him I found nothing, not a word about it. It's hard for guys to lie about their accomplishments now with Google. So Jeff and I left the Viceroy to make out at his friends hot tub in the Palisades. It was a magical night. It was rather dumb of me to let him drive my Lexus, when he had been drinking. But he swore he was OK.
We had a fun two weeks of me watching him drink, while going to Sports Bars during the basketball playoffs. He was definitely and Alpha Male (a domineering man; the dominant member in a group of males, esp. animals). He was a pretty good kisser and I liked that he grew up in the Palisades. He had some ghetto fab Cadillac. We had our best date when he took both me and my dog, Bungee, my 10 year old lab out to dinner. We ate AL fresco and then walked in a park in the Palisades. The relationship ended when he went to Arizona and barely kept in touch. When he returned to LA for 4Th of July weekend last summer, the vibe was somehow different.
He started off the date talking about his psycho ex baby mama. That is such a turn off to talk about another woman on a date. And vice versa for the ladies. Talking about any other man just about makes guys gag. If they bring up your past, quickly change the topic. Unless, you can't stand the guy and want to sabotage it, of course. Then his aging dad calls and said he had a diabetic attack. So Jeff cuts the date short. I told him to race me to the car, which was on the top floor of a parking garage. I said he could take the steps and I would take the elevator. When we met back up at the car and he was proud to have won the race, I burst his bubble by saying, "You see the lengths I have to go to get you to work out." I never heard from him again. Fuck him, if he can't take a joke.
So back to hot, lawyer guy. I am not going to respond to that email, because I have nothing to say. I am truly at a loss for words. Tomorrow night, I have a date with a very wealthy, eccentric man. It's an Internet date and we are meeting at a hipster restaurant in Venice. I will be going to Agape and working all day. So hopefully, I will find the energy to be just delightful. He seems to have charm and saviour fare. I met him on Jdate, but he's not Jewish. I should have known because his profile pic is playing Polo. I mean, what Jewish men do you know that play Polo? That's fine by me, because I only went on Jdate after my girl friend encouraged me. Jewish guys have not been my type, but I was forcing myself to be open. Apparently, a lot of gentiles have penetrated JDate. Who knew the Jews had a rep for being good spouses?
Talk to you soon!
Keep smiling,
Goddess Girl
Thursday, May 20, 2010
THE PORCH
Hello, Lovelies!
Ok, this porch will receive multiple references in this blog, so you might as well learn about it now. The porch is an analogy to dating more than one guy. If you date one guy that's obsession. If you date two guys, that's either/or. If you date at least three guys, now you have some action going on your porch. To quote Slick Rick, "Once upon a time, not long ago, when people wore pajamas and lived life slow." There were actually courtship rituals. One ritual that was especially pervasive in the South was that gentlemen suitors would visit the women they were courting on their porch. Usually the beautiful southern belle was sitting on the swing set on her porch, just looking lovely and doing NOTHING. Most of the times she was out there in the afternoon or after supper. All she had to do was sit there alone on her porch basking in her own femininity, and before you knew it, her porch would be filled with gentlemen suitors. Her job was to entertain everyone by being her charming and enchanting self and serve them lemonade or tea.
I am creating a modern day, metaphorical porch by dating multiple men. Now, I am not having sex with anyone on my porch, mind you. That would be taking them off the porch and walking them inside the plantation house into the bedroom. I have made that mistake several times and when they go directly from the porch to the bedroom, without even a sip of lemonade, they usually don't ever return to the porch. So after those grave errors, I have learned that nobody gets inside the house unless I am ready to be in a relationship with them. So many guys want to go straight to the bedroom. The men who don't want to hang out with me on my porch are quickly replaced by other men. Usually men under 35 think they are entitled to 'booty calls'. They have got to be on crack! They think that I will have sex with them just because they are cute. Hilarious. They aren't willing to put in the time, effort and money it takes to win the porch competition. NEXT!
If I like a guy enough to give him my number and consider dating him, I issue him a porch pass. A porch pass gives him certain privileges. He is in the running to be my next boyfriend. He is a contender. In order to be a contender, he must be interested in a monogamous, long term relationship with marriage potential. There are guys on my porch who aren't contenders. They are more to fill the porch and create momentum. If I have a lot of men on my porch and momentum, I don't get stressed out when the guy I really like doesn't call. The contenders all have rankings and they can trump each other. For example, I might have a date Friday night with Frank who is a contender with a #3 ranking. But Bill, my #1, might have just flown in from NYC from business and want to see me. If that happens, then Bill trumps Frank and I have to cancel my date. I know it sounds callous and awful, but it makes sense. I have rarely cancelled because usually my #1 is nowhere to be found.
If I grant a man a porch pass he is welcome to call, email, text, flirt, date and even get some kissing and heavy petting. Although, my therapist thinks I am far too generous with my heavy petting and make out sessions, I think they are spectacular. The whole idea is to give a man a taste of dinner, not shove the meal down his throat. You know, to whet his appetite. Now I used to be Face Book friends with everyone who has a porch pass. I no longer do that unless I met them on Face Book. Why antagonize them with all the other guys on my porch who are posting on my Wall. I don't flaunt the fact that I am dating several men, but if they ask for sex, I tell them, "Thanks so much for wanting to have sex with me. I know it would be wonderful. However, I don't believe in casual sex. I only have sex when I am exclusive. I haven't known you long enough to decide if I want to be exclusive."
Then if they ask, "Well, how many guys are you dating? Are you having sex with any of them?" Then, and only then, I will tell them, "I am dating other men. But we are just socializing. I am not intimate with anyone. I am very selective and if I have sex, that means I am their girlfriend." This is honest and it serves a second purpose of creating competition. Men love to compete and they love what they can't have. At least, real men do. Real men like to compete, control and conquer. If a she-male aka metrosexual(one living in a post-industrial, capitalist culture, who has a strong concern for his appearance or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically associated with homosexual men) or "girlie men", as Arnold Schwarzenegger calls them, tries to have sex and you give him this approach, you will never hear from him again. He has been spoiled by women who put out right away. He has no earthly clue how to romance, charm or court a woman. At this point, he relinquishes his porch pass and I save it for a more qualified candidate.
There is no limit to how many men I can have on my porch or how old they may be. My porch is currently ranging from age 20-55. I am playing the law of averages. Everything in life, my dears, is a numbers game. You mustn't take anything personally. In my sales job, x amount of calls yield x amount of appointments yield x amount of sales. Dating is the same way! X amount of dates yield x amount of porch passes yield x amount of contenders yield the number one contender=the husband. All you can do is be feminine, sweet and set boundaries. The men who are worth a shit, will hang out on the porch and compete. May the best man win and let's hope it's not you, darling. You don't want to be the man on the porch. This means you don't initiate any communication. You simply respond to them in the same manner. They call you, you call back. They text, you text. They email, you email. Got it?
Well, this is quite enough teaching and preaching for the night. Now that we are all speaking the same language, we can proceed with more dating encounters. Stay tuned.
Love you all,
Goddess Girl
Ok, this porch will receive multiple references in this blog, so you might as well learn about it now. The porch is an analogy to dating more than one guy. If you date one guy that's obsession. If you date two guys, that's either/or. If you date at least three guys, now you have some action going on your porch. To quote Slick Rick, "Once upon a time, not long ago, when people wore pajamas and lived life slow." There were actually courtship rituals. One ritual that was especially pervasive in the South was that gentlemen suitors would visit the women they were courting on their porch. Usually the beautiful southern belle was sitting on the swing set on her porch, just looking lovely and doing NOTHING. Most of the times she was out there in the afternoon or after supper. All she had to do was sit there alone on her porch basking in her own femininity, and before you knew it, her porch would be filled with gentlemen suitors. Her job was to entertain everyone by being her charming and enchanting self and serve them lemonade or tea.
I am creating a modern day, metaphorical porch by dating multiple men. Now, I am not having sex with anyone on my porch, mind you. That would be taking them off the porch and walking them inside the plantation house into the bedroom. I have made that mistake several times and when they go directly from the porch to the bedroom, without even a sip of lemonade, they usually don't ever return to the porch. So after those grave errors, I have learned that nobody gets inside the house unless I am ready to be in a relationship with them. So many guys want to go straight to the bedroom. The men who don't want to hang out with me on my porch are quickly replaced by other men. Usually men under 35 think they are entitled to 'booty calls'. They have got to be on crack! They think that I will have sex with them just because they are cute. Hilarious. They aren't willing to put in the time, effort and money it takes to win the porch competition. NEXT!
If I like a guy enough to give him my number and consider dating him, I issue him a porch pass. A porch pass gives him certain privileges. He is in the running to be my next boyfriend. He is a contender. In order to be a contender, he must be interested in a monogamous, long term relationship with marriage potential. There are guys on my porch who aren't contenders. They are more to fill the porch and create momentum. If I have a lot of men on my porch and momentum, I don't get stressed out when the guy I really like doesn't call. The contenders all have rankings and they can trump each other. For example, I might have a date Friday night with Frank who is a contender with a #3 ranking. But Bill, my #1, might have just flown in from NYC from business and want to see me. If that happens, then Bill trumps Frank and I have to cancel my date. I know it sounds callous and awful, but it makes sense. I have rarely cancelled because usually my #1 is nowhere to be found.
If I grant a man a porch pass he is welcome to call, email, text, flirt, date and even get some kissing and heavy petting. Although, my therapist thinks I am far too generous with my heavy petting and make out sessions, I think they are spectacular. The whole idea is to give a man a taste of dinner, not shove the meal down his throat. You know, to whet his appetite. Now I used to be Face Book friends with everyone who has a porch pass. I no longer do that unless I met them on Face Book. Why antagonize them with all the other guys on my porch who are posting on my Wall. I don't flaunt the fact that I am dating several men, but if they ask for sex, I tell them, "Thanks so much for wanting to have sex with me. I know it would be wonderful. However, I don't believe in casual sex. I only have sex when I am exclusive. I haven't known you long enough to decide if I want to be exclusive."
Then if they ask, "Well, how many guys are you dating? Are you having sex with any of them?" Then, and only then, I will tell them, "I am dating other men. But we are just socializing. I am not intimate with anyone. I am very selective and if I have sex, that means I am their girlfriend." This is honest and it serves a second purpose of creating competition. Men love to compete and they love what they can't have. At least, real men do. Real men like to compete, control and conquer. If a she-male aka metrosexual(one living in a post-industrial, capitalist culture, who has a strong concern for his appearance or a lifestyle that displays attributes stereotypically associated with homosexual men) or "girlie men", as Arnold Schwarzenegger calls them, tries to have sex and you give him this approach, you will never hear from him again. He has been spoiled by women who put out right away. He has no earthly clue how to romance, charm or court a woman. At this point, he relinquishes his porch pass and I save it for a more qualified candidate.
There is no limit to how many men I can have on my porch or how old they may be. My porch is currently ranging from age 20-55. I am playing the law of averages. Everything in life, my dears, is a numbers game. You mustn't take anything personally. In my sales job, x amount of calls yield x amount of appointments yield x amount of sales. Dating is the same way! X amount of dates yield x amount of porch passes yield x amount of contenders yield the number one contender=the husband. All you can do is be feminine, sweet and set boundaries. The men who are worth a shit, will hang out on the porch and compete. May the best man win and let's hope it's not you, darling. You don't want to be the man on the porch. This means you don't initiate any communication. You simply respond to them in the same manner. They call you, you call back. They text, you text. They email, you email. Got it?
Well, this is quite enough teaching and preaching for the night. Now that we are all speaking the same language, we can proceed with more dating encounters. Stay tuned.
Love you all,
Goddess Girl
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
CHEAP DATE
Hi Everyone,
After much encouragement from my bff, Susan, who is a veteran blogger, I finally started to a blog. It is about dating in LA in my late 30s. It is going to be a roller coaster ride and you will learn a lot about LA, men and dating. More than you want to or need to know. I have been studying this shit for 10 years. I have gone to seminars, love experts, therapists, read books and prayed. I have meditated, affirmed, surrendered and cried. You will get a glimpse into my very private and humorous world. It will shock you and entertain you. I promise you will not be bored. You will be cheering me on as I sort through the men in LA to find the One. I am taking you on my journey with me. It has been a long and winding road to say the least. And you, my new friend, get to be with me on the most exciting part of the journey. The part where I finally meet him, with all the excitement and disappointment leading up to this exciting interlude. So let's go on and adventure, shall we. I will start with today's date, a misadventure for sure.
So I go on a lunch date today with this guy I met from JDate. Yes, I am Jewish but only by heritage. I more spiritual and love to go to Agape. If you don't know what this is, just go to www.Agapelive.com or google Michael Beckwith. But my dear friend, Athene, convinced me to try Jdate, after I had sworn off internet dating. I mean my New Year's Resolution of 2007 was not to internet date. I had tried to have the same resolution this year and I surrendered my love life to God as my New Year's resolution for 2010. After the first quarter of this year, God had sent me absolutely no one but boy toys. Yes, the Cougar trend is alive and well in LA. But alas, I am so not a Cougar. So I have already gone on maybe 8 Jdates in the last month since I joined.
Today I get dressed up all cute and sexy to meet Stewart for lunch at the Rose Cafe in Venice. I show up 10 minutes late. He says he will be at the tall table in the middle of the room. After going to the wrong restaurant, I walk into the Rose Cafe. He is not sitting at the tall table in the middle of the room. Instead, this man with salt and pepper hair starts walking determinedly towards me. I totally forgot what his picture looks like because I have gotten like 75 emails. Immediately, it started off badly because I say, "I thought you were going to be at the tall table in the middle of the room". We then proceed to order our food. We go up to the cash register and his total was $25, which I assumed included my meal. When the cashier asks him if he is paying for mine and he says, "No," I just about faint. I say, "Oh, I am so confused. I thought you asked me on a date."
He says, "It's not a date. It's a first meeting." And I say, "So you are going to make me pay?" And he says, "Yes, you can buy your own lunch." I mean, REALLY? I just couldn't even believe he didn't pay after I pretty much asked him to. I fought every impulse I had to just say, "Fuck, you!" and leave. But I am on a spiritual path and he is one of God's children, so I wanted to practice compassion. So I said, "It must be so hard to be a post-feminist man in LA with the gender roles so blurred. I mean, nobody knows what to do anymore." He says, "Well, other women refused to let me pay. So that's what I thought you wanted." I thought to myself, "After I was mortified! Yeah, right, that's what I wanted." And he goes on to say, "Besides, this isn't a date. This is a meeting."
So, I just change the topic and try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I ask him about his conference in Vegas, his career, where he's from. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. So I find out he teaches a class at a local college on the Technology of Film. So that explains everything. He is an analytical AKA Greenie to me. I can't stand Greenies. I mean they are nerds with no charm, no tact and no social skills. So that explains everything with the paying for lunch. And I think that Greenies are cheap as hell. I remember going out to dinner with my friend's boyfriend who was a Greenie and he didn't even tip. No tip? Who does that?! So I suffer through 45 minutes of lunch and end it promptly at 2 pm with my favorite exit line, "I have to go home to my dog."
I said my goodbyes and usually no matter how bad the date is, I mumble something about wanting to see them again. Not this time, no way. We both knew the date was a disaster. Last night's date was another Jdate. His name is hot, lawyer guy. It was actually a third date. He wanted to watch the game so we met at Green Peas in Culver City. The date went well except he kept running his fingers through his hair which caused his hair gel to flake. He was wearing a black shirt and there were little, white flecks everywhere. We were cuddling a bit and I, too, was wearing a black shirt, so when I got up to go to the bathroom, there were little white flecks on my shirt, too. Our chemistry is pretty rad, even though he is shorter than me, so I wasn't turned off. In fact, I was hoping for a kiss good night.
He didn't kiss me good night. Instead, we listened to two Culver City cops interview this woman in an SUV with a hyena laugh. Hot, lawyer guy was more interested in eaves dropping into their conversation than kissing me good night. He did grab my boobs a couple times. Weird, right? Especially considering we were out on the street in public. I am more used to guys grabbing my butt, because I rock a black girl's booty. So I even took my glasses off, which is my signal for, "Kiss me, Dammit!", but no kiss. He did text me when he got home, "Your hands feel good, babe." It was going to be his third and final date, but I decided to keep him on the porch. The porch is a strange and fascinating phenomenom, which I will explain in my next post.
Thanks so much for reading my blog and sharing this pivotal point in my life with me. I don't know you, but I have a feeling we are going to be great friends. I gotta get back to work now. Talk to you soon,
Goddess Girl
After much encouragement from my bff, Susan, who is a veteran blogger, I finally started to a blog. It is about dating in LA in my late 30s. It is going to be a roller coaster ride and you will learn a lot about LA, men and dating. More than you want to or need to know. I have been studying this shit for 10 years. I have gone to seminars, love experts, therapists, read books and prayed. I have meditated, affirmed, surrendered and cried. You will get a glimpse into my very private and humorous world. It will shock you and entertain you. I promise you will not be bored. You will be cheering me on as I sort through the men in LA to find the One. I am taking you on my journey with me. It has been a long and winding road to say the least. And you, my new friend, get to be with me on the most exciting part of the journey. The part where I finally meet him, with all the excitement and disappointment leading up to this exciting interlude. So let's go on and adventure, shall we. I will start with today's date, a misadventure for sure.
So I go on a lunch date today with this guy I met from JDate. Yes, I am Jewish but only by heritage. I more spiritual and love to go to Agape. If you don't know what this is, just go to www.Agapelive.com or google Michael Beckwith. But my dear friend, Athene, convinced me to try Jdate, after I had sworn off internet dating. I mean my New Year's Resolution of 2007 was not to internet date. I had tried to have the same resolution this year and I surrendered my love life to God as my New Year's resolution for 2010. After the first quarter of this year, God had sent me absolutely no one but boy toys. Yes, the Cougar trend is alive and well in LA. But alas, I am so not a Cougar. So I have already gone on maybe 8 Jdates in the last month since I joined.
Today I get dressed up all cute and sexy to meet Stewart for lunch at the Rose Cafe in Venice. I show up 10 minutes late. He says he will be at the tall table in the middle of the room. After going to the wrong restaurant, I walk into the Rose Cafe. He is not sitting at the tall table in the middle of the room. Instead, this man with salt and pepper hair starts walking determinedly towards me. I totally forgot what his picture looks like because I have gotten like 75 emails. Immediately, it started off badly because I say, "I thought you were going to be at the tall table in the middle of the room". We then proceed to order our food. We go up to the cash register and his total was $25, which I assumed included my meal. When the cashier asks him if he is paying for mine and he says, "No," I just about faint. I say, "Oh, I am so confused. I thought you asked me on a date."
He says, "It's not a date. It's a first meeting." And I say, "So you are going to make me pay?" And he says, "Yes, you can buy your own lunch." I mean, REALLY? I just couldn't even believe he didn't pay after I pretty much asked him to. I fought every impulse I had to just say, "Fuck, you!" and leave. But I am on a spiritual path and he is one of God's children, so I wanted to practice compassion. So I said, "It must be so hard to be a post-feminist man in LA with the gender roles so blurred. I mean, nobody knows what to do anymore." He says, "Well, other women refused to let me pay. So that's what I thought you wanted." I thought to myself, "After I was mortified! Yeah, right, that's what I wanted." And he goes on to say, "Besides, this isn't a date. This is a meeting."
So, I just change the topic and try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I ask him about his conference in Vegas, his career, where he's from. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. So I find out he teaches a class at a local college on the Technology of Film. So that explains everything. He is an analytical AKA Greenie to me. I can't stand Greenies. I mean they are nerds with no charm, no tact and no social skills. So that explains everything with the paying for lunch. And I think that Greenies are cheap as hell. I remember going out to dinner with my friend's boyfriend who was a Greenie and he didn't even tip. No tip? Who does that?! So I suffer through 45 minutes of lunch and end it promptly at 2 pm with my favorite exit line, "I have to go home to my dog."
I said my goodbyes and usually no matter how bad the date is, I mumble something about wanting to see them again. Not this time, no way. We both knew the date was a disaster. Last night's date was another Jdate. His name is hot, lawyer guy. It was actually a third date. He wanted to watch the game so we met at Green Peas in Culver City. The date went well except he kept running his fingers through his hair which caused his hair gel to flake. He was wearing a black shirt and there were little, white flecks everywhere. We were cuddling a bit and I, too, was wearing a black shirt, so when I got up to go to the bathroom, there were little white flecks on my shirt, too. Our chemistry is pretty rad, even though he is shorter than me, so I wasn't turned off. In fact, I was hoping for a kiss good night.
He didn't kiss me good night. Instead, we listened to two Culver City cops interview this woman in an SUV with a hyena laugh. Hot, lawyer guy was more interested in eaves dropping into their conversation than kissing me good night. He did grab my boobs a couple times. Weird, right? Especially considering we were out on the street in public. I am more used to guys grabbing my butt, because I rock a black girl's booty. So I even took my glasses off, which is my signal for, "Kiss me, Dammit!", but no kiss. He did text me when he got home, "Your hands feel good, babe." It was going to be his third and final date, but I decided to keep him on the porch. The porch is a strange and fascinating phenomenom, which I will explain in my next post.
Thanks so much for reading my blog and sharing this pivotal point in my life with me. I don't know you, but I have a feeling we are going to be great friends. I gotta get back to work now. Talk to you soon,
Goddess Girl
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