SEXTING

Hello There Lovelies,
Sorry it's been a few days since I have checked in. And thankfully, no internet dates. In fact, no dates since that disastrous luncheon. Hot, lawyer guy texted and he asked for my bff's email. Like I would be dumb enough to put a guy on my porch in touch with my scalding hot bff! Yeah, right! He was already on probation for asking for a massage and that text put him out of the game. I asked my therapist how to let a guy know I am not interested. My standard text is, "Thanks so much for the nice dinner. I really enjoyed meeting you. However, we are not a romantic match. Best of luck in your search." She said I could just do it LA style which is a "Fade to Black". A Fade to Black means that I don't officially say I am not intersted. I just take forever and a day to return their texts and don't initiate any conversation. It worked on hot, lawyer, guy because he texted me Saturday morning, "How are you?". And hours later, I texted back, "Good. working." And that was the last I heard from him.

There is another young boy, age 27, that I met on Face Book. He sent me his script and I sent him my script. We started instant messaging. I have heard from him via IM on Face Book or text every day for about 6 weeks. He is actually pursuing me. He is showing up for me. He is understanding and getting me. He is interested in my feelings, opinions and points of view. He makes me laugh and turns me on. He's a hipster, a director, writer and in the NYC scene. He has slept with celebrities and he has an agent at CAA. There is one slight complication, he is way younger than me, lives in NYC and I have never met him. Of course, I have seen pictures of him on Face Book and he is cute, but not necessarily my type. But he is wooing me with his attention and hipness. When I first moved to LA the trend was blondes with fake boobs, then skinny Asian chicks, and now it's older women and younger men. They call it Cougar hunting. At least, I hit one of the trends!

Being one of the most popular girls in high school is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because it gave the social skills and the self confidence to nail job interviews and make great small talk with anyone I meet. The curse is that the popular girl doesn't go out with the dwebe. Now that I am single in my 30s, the cool guys are broke, dead or snatched up. Who does that leave me with? You guessed right, the dorks. I mean, I have sat down at the dinner table with guys I wouldn't have even spit at in high school. These guys are so boring and lack charm and social skills. I would rather be single than spend the rest of my life listening to that dribble. I remember going out with an anesthesiogist from Encino. He was so boring I nearly fell asleep in my caterpillar roll. So needless to say, this guy from NYC, we will call him 'Director Boy', is most refreshing.

So Thursday night, one of the guys on my porch, Surfer Boy, says he got me something in Nicaragua. Now, Surfer Boy and I made out after a party that my next door neighbor had in January. It it now almost June and he has been flaking on me ever since, so I wasn't surprised when he asked if he could stop by with his gift and then bailed. His excuse was that he hadn't showered and that another person invited him to dinner. He is a total girl, trying to get a free meal. So that left me at home flat ironing my hair. During this necessary, but arduous task, Director Boy starts texting me. We were texting back and forth for an hour. Somehow the conversation went from "What did you do today?" to "How would you like to do me?". I said to myself, "What the fuck?" I am probably never going to meet this guy and he is way to young so why not give myself some entertainment. I told him my fantasy of having sex with him in a New York night club in the bathroom. I said that I would be sitting on the sink and he would be standing. Well, that was probably the raciest thing I have ever said to a total stranger. But, the weird thing is that he's not a stranger because we have spent hours getting to know each other on the IM.

It's kind of like a dirty version of 'Sleepless in Seattle". So Friday I emailed him a link to a You Tube video by Baby Bash called "Fantasy Girl". I was a little freaked that I didn't hear back from him until today, Sunday. He commented on my wall post and then I texted him to ask if he received my email. No response for hours. So frustrating...Then he texted me and I didn't respond for hours. It's Simon Says, girls. They return the text right away, you return the text right away. They take two days to return a call, then you take two days to return their call. So I see him on IM tonight on Face Book and I initiate the conversation with a 'Hi'. For an hour, I told him how he wasn't right for me. I don't know how he turned the conversation into IM sex, but the little sucker did! Before I know it, I have the computer on the floor. I am laying next to the computer with a vibrator and having the best orgasm of my life!! And this is with a guy I haven't even met!! We instant messaged for about an hour and a half. I told him that he got me off. If I ever meet him, I will be soo embarrassed. I mean, who knows if we will even have chemistry in person? But in the meantime, he is filling a void. And nature abhors a void, according to scientists.

So, I think I am emotionally unavailable if the only guy I have had sex with in 2010 is a guy I have never met who lives 3000 miles away. But ladies, I would rather do that, then ruin a possible contender by having sex without an agreement of monogamy. In all earnestness, there have not been any guys in 2010 that I would be interested in being monogamous with. And no more casual sex. That was the painful lesson of 2009. So tomorrow night I may be going out with my #1 Contender. We will see what happens...Happy Memorial Day. I look forward to catching up soon.

Love and hugs,

Goddess Girl